|Doomsday cow produces 700 litres of toxic milk a day|
Monsanto, the deadly transnational chemical manufacturer, attempted to quell fears amongst the scientific community today after revealing its new 'Domesday Cow.' Concern was raised when officials from the US agriculture department spotted the new animal is fully robotic, runs on poisonous lithium batteries and, as well as being able to produce 700 litres of toxic milk a day, has a fully functioning weapons systems.
Doctor Calistro S. S. Battenburg, PHD. MD. head of terrifying experiments at Monsanto, assured members of the press, 'The Doomsday Cow will meet all toxic milk production targets for exactly 1000 hours then, precisely 30 seconds after the warranty runs out, its kevlar udders will automatically self-destruct and you will have to buy another cow from us at fifty times the price, as stipulated in all lifetime contracts.'
When asked what the procedure was for milking the new Doomsday Cow the Doctor replied,'Simply place the old empty carton of milk in the delivery shaft - where the mouth would normally be - then crank the tail once and the carton shoots out of the Doomsday Cow's arse full to the brim with refreshing toxic milk. Farmers should be warned, when operating the tail not to touch the buttocks as this fires the animal's heat-seeking sidewinder missiles.'
1 Oct 2012 - Uploaded by TechHive VideoWanna see a robot cow? Well DARPA is building something very similar to just that.