Westminster Village, Stables

Cameron and Ms Piggy

Cameron: 'I Didn't Go The Whole Hog'

PM David Cameron has defended the bizarre bestial sexual exploits he carried out along with his Oxford university friends at the notorious Piers Galveston Club, claiming, 'I didn't go the whole hog, old boy. Ms Piggy didn't swallow.'

Details of the farmyard orgies regularly performed at the country's finest educational facilities were spread by one of the Prime Minister's old university chums Lord Ashcroft in his new book 'Call Me Dave.' The billionaire life peer and international businessman laughed, 'I don't see what all the fuss is about. Dave was only doing what comes naturally to all public schoolboys. It's only the same thing the poor would be doing at their local comprehensives had they the money. I suppose they do do much the same but with a packet of smokey bacon crisps. At least I imagine they do.'

Tory mandarins originally wanted to smear Lord Ashcroft's claims calling them 'porkies' but felt confident UK voters were sufficiently grown up to feel nothing untoward about the fact that their highly-paid leader (who controls their country's ability to go to war, their economy and critical matters of state) repeatedly stuck his genitalia in the mouth of a dead animal. Lord Behemoth Conservative MP for Crediton Devon smiled, 'This amusing little story will do nothing more than reminding UK citizens Dave is just one of them.'

David Cameron finally comments on THOSE Lord Ashcroft ...

www.mirror.co.uk › News › UK News › PigGate

1 day ago - Despite Number 10's silence over claims from weed-smoking to hi-jinks with a dead pig, the PM has made his views abundantly clear.

Lord Ashcroft book 'allegations' at David Cameron ...

▶ 3:34

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKywrnu88eY

2 days ago - Uploaded by liarpoliticians

Lord Ashcroft book 'allegations' at David Cameron (21Sept15) ... There's Reason To Doubt Those David ...

Westminster Village Hall

MPs still chomping on bit to get to bottom of child sex crimes

MPs Still Chomping On Bit To Get To The Bottom Of Child Sex Crimes

Despite the government's complete inability to find anyone whatsoever within the country's entire bureaucratic apparatus to head the inquiry into allegations of a pedophile ring at the House of Commons, Sir George Young, Conservative whip has claimed, 'Cupboards full of MP's are still chomping on the bit to get to the bottom of child sex crimes.'

After such a long period has elapsed merely selecting someone to head the inquiry fears are growing that it will never actually start. Owing to the fact that some of the possible defendants are coming to the end of their lives there is a very reason for expedience. The Westminster internal child sex team, (I.N.C.S.T.) helping with the inquiry's investigation, has offered the names of all likely pedophiles working in the House of Commons, stipulating only one criteria; that they are dead. An I.N.C.S.T spokesman commented, 'Unfortunately letting the inquiry have the names of any likely pedophiles working at the House of Commons who are still alive would present an unacceptable security breech.'

Alleged victims of abuse have voiced concerns about the process of selecting an appropriate head for the inquiry as there seems to be a problem finding someone who does not have intimate connections with potential suspects.  An I.N.C.S.T. officials stated, 'As all potential UK candidates qualified for the role have turned down the job we were thinking of getting someone in from the public sector who is just as trusted as any MP. For instance a disgraced ex Radio One DJ. A good example would be Dave Lee Travis who we know is currently looking for work. With regard to the inquiry we would rather not comment or about allegations of a pedophile ring operating in Westminster. We know that the public understands, as we can assure you do many, many MPs, child sex is a very touchy subject.'

Is The Establishment Riddled With Paedophiles ... - YouTube
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ABTbdpuzxc



6 days ago - Pedophilia Paedophiles Sickest of the sick Reaction to the delay in ... Is The Establishment Riddled With Paedophiles Russell Brand The Trews.

Westminster Village /Green

Christmas cut backs due to privatisation

Christmas Privatisation 'Already Happened' Announce Tory Consortium Representing Secretive Bankers

In a surprise government press release a Tory consortium representing a secretive pair of international bankers, known only as banker A and banker B, have announced that the privatisation of Christmas has 'already happened.' Unfortunately, due to 'unforeseen problems' with the subsequent flotation of Christmas on world markets, caused by a heavy reliance on profits generated from Cyber Monday to buoy the stock, cutbacks in the public holiday will now have to be made including; the number of days being cut from twelve to five, four of Santa's reindeer sold for medical experiments, and the laying off of 20 000 elves with the rest of the workforce moved to China.

Tory Lord Kilcrist, overseeing the consortium's steering commission, laughed, 'Sadly the privatisation of Christmas has been inevitable for a long time now. Approximately the length of time the Tory party have been in power and by a strange coincidence, much like the inefficient Post Office, market forces and huge dividends for my friends in power, myself and, more importantly banker A and banker B, have forced our hand.'

Reflecting the slashing of festive session from twelve to five days the popular carol 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' will be rewritten by Gary Barlow and produced by Simon Cowell and speak of the UK's plucky spirit at not complaining about being sent back to work after only five days with the line 'five gold rings,' being changed to 'five chins up.' Rudloph fans around the world were devastated to hear he would be one of the reindeer who, along with Donner Prancer and Dancer, Lord Kilcrist rather ironically commented, 'Did not make the cut and will have to be axed.' The Tory Lord went on to defend this move claiming, 'Rudolph's spare parts were by far the most valuable on the open markets so, whilst being hard moral decision, it was a very easy financial one and he had to go.' The lifelong pier and ex-banker went on to add, 'Obviously our thoughts are with his fans and family at this difficult moment, but perhaps more naturally, on the things we are going to buy with the money we have made overseeing the deal.'

It is thought the money lost by the disastrous flotation of Christmas will be recouped by a tax on mince pies, 'Only Fools and Horses' and a new levy on baubles, mistletoe and crackers.

A special refugee camp is to be set up for unemployed elves left at the North Pole though funding for this relief operation is rumoured to only be scheduled as long as media coverage continues. Chinese work permits have been issued to all remaining workforce elves though their families have been informed they will not be allowed to accompany their loved ones and must remain in the short-term North Pole camp with the others.

When Lord Kilcrist was asked what a consortium actually was he chuckled, 'Y'know, old boy, I don't actually know. I think it's a kind of con ... sort ... I ... um ...  Tell you what I'll Google it.' But before he could elaborate further he shuffled off with banker A and banker B who are thought to be very 'pleased' about the deal.

12 Days of Privatised Christmas - YouTube
► 0:50► 0:50
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW5Z1DMrfEI
18 Dec 2013 - Uploaded by We Own It
Next year we'd like the coalition to change its tune. Visit http://weownit.org.uk/support-us to help out. 1) The ...





Consortium Definition | Investopedia
www.investopedia.com/terms/c/consortium.asp
DEFINITION of 'Consortium'. A group made up of two or more individuals, companies or governments that work together toward achieving a chosen objective.

Westminster Village/ Green

Lord Freud's golden carriage awaiting wheelchairs

Tory MP Lord Freud Demands 'Human Husky' Wheelchair Team To Tow Personal Carriage

Tory MP Lord Freud, who recently suggested disabled people could work for £2 an hour, has demanded the government provide him a wheelchair-bound human husky team to tow his carriage between his enormous mansions. The work-shy ex-banker claimed, 'It will give the disabled a chance to give something back to society whilst paying for their wheelchairs which they can now buy off NHS Ltd on higher purchase.'

David Cameron gave his blessing to the plans and announced they will be extended to all Tory MP's. The PM is reportedly going to user his ranch in Chipping Norton as a coach house where fresh disabled people can be kept to change those that his friends had exhausted on a long ride. The PM laughed,'Tory MP's who don't own their own carriages, which obviously is only a few, can simply use their private cars. Thus saving themselves thousands of pounds a year on petrol. Which I hear is now more expensive than straw. Who would have thought it eh?'

Disabled people 'not worth full wage' says Lord ... - YouTube
► 0:29► 0:29
www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1hz_E3-NW8
1 day ago - Uploaded by BBC News
A welfare minister said a small group of people are "not worth the full wage" and could be paid £2 an hour. Labour is calling for Lord Freud to  ...

Lord Freud "F**k'em £2 is enough" - YouTube
► 11:32► 11:32
www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjq3NaM_spI
16 hours ago - Uploaded by chunkymark
Lord Freud "F**k'em £2 is enough". chunkymark. SubscribeSubscribedUnsubscribe 41,599 ...

Westminster Village /Green

Farage Steals Right Winger Reckless As MP Transfer Window Closes

Farage signs new right winger as MP transfer window closes.

Nigel Farage Manager of UKIP outfoxed David Cameron yet again stealing talented right winger Mark Reckless from under the PM's nose seconds before the latest MP transfer window closed. Pundits have agreed for some time that Farage needed to strengthen his right wing before next year's elections and it is believed the indecisive Reckless is the perfect man for the job.

Reckless was known to want to join the BNP team but it is thought UKIP's high profile, Farage's record in Europe, two pints of Stella and a steak and chips dinner at Weatherspoons was enough to persuade the political 'sweeper' and opportunist MP for Rochester and Strood to come and play for the other side.

When asked about the political aspects of his decision making process Reckless responded, 'The Tories are a bunch of pussies these days. No one believes they can go all the way anymore. With Nigel's views on immigration UKIP are bound to take the number one spot at the finals, I mean elections, next summer.'

1. News for News for farage Reckless news
   
   

   
   1. 
      

      Nigel Farage sent home from Rochester after voters take ...

      The Independent ‎- 23 hours ago

      NEWS: at 1 hear from Nigel Farage who's on a walkabout in #Rochester with MP Mark Reckless who's defecting to #UKIP pic.twitter.com/ ...

   More news for News for farage Reckless news

Westminster Village /People

Johnson 'Toying' With Balls But Both 'Totally Covered' By Clegg

The exciting Johnson Balls Clegg 'Shoot off.'

The race to become the next UK PM heated up yesterday when Boris Johnson claimed, 'I have Balls in my pocket and I have Clegg in hand.' Westminster villagers believe Jonson was toying with Balls and Clegg when he made the remarks whilst attending a Tory fundraiser on behalf of the banks held at his Mayor's private offices in London. Johnson and Balls are expected to lead their parties when current leaders David Cameron and Ed Milliband leave to pursue lucrative consultancy careers in the arms industry after losing the next election to UKIP.

Nick Clegg made the counter claim that he, 'Had Balls and Johnson totally covered,' earlier today as he was chased through Ipswich town center by a gang of angry shoppers, students, NHS staff, job seekers, motorists, tax payers and average UK citizens keen to give the joint leader of the coalition a good kicking for fucking up the country. Hiding behind the counter in a branch of Gregg's he panted, "Oh yes. I've been covering Balls and Johnson for a long time. Now people will definitely take me seriously.'

Johnson, Balls and Clegg will be coming together for a new type of live three way TV debate nicknamed a 'shoot off.' Dan Snow will hosting the show on BBC 1 and ratings are expected to be 'high' as the heated politicians get excited and shower the studio audience with their rich ideas. 'The Johnson, Balls, Clegg Live 'Shoot Off' Show with Dan Snow' will be broadcast before the watershed (ensuring the widest audience) at 8.00 PM Wednesday 1st October BBC 1.

Nick Clegg dismisses Boris Johnson's condom jibe – video ...
► 0:33► 0:33
www.theguardian.com › Politics › Nick Clegg



9 Jan 2014
edition: US ... Nick Clegg dismisses Boris Johnson's condom jibe – video ... Ed Balls proposes spending watchdog role in vetting 


Nick Clegg: Lib Dem-Labour 'love-in' reports are hype - BBC
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-25666435



9 Jan 2014 - Deputy PM Nick Clegg has said a recent "passing friendly ... He was also asked about London Mayor Boris Johnson's depiction of ... I am going to say to Boris: Come on Boris, join Ed Balls and myself and let's have a truce.

Westminster Village/Hall

Tory MP's Reject 'Out Of Touch With UK Public' Claim After Bizarre River Thames Meeting.

Conservative MP's at Thames river 'meeting' yesterday.

These were the bizarre scenes yesterday near
Chelsea bridge when 25 Conservative MP's held a government meeting while swimming in the river Thames dressed in mankinis and top hats. After claims were made that this is another example of the Tories being out of touch with the UK public Nigel Hathaway (left), minister for parliamentary standards, replied, "Nonsense! My handpicked team and I were simply researching the possibility of filling the Thames with champagne every Monday so we could drink while we were at work. Obviously this would mean having to ban the poor from using the river as they would no doubt try to steal our bubbly."

The Government's extremely expensive complaints hotline (which the government have found so lucrative) was jammed with callers yesterday complaining about the bizarre meeting. David Cameron is thought to be giving Hathaway's team the go ahead and will announce tomorrow that the public will have to foot the bill for £2.2 million pounds worth of champagne, mankinis and top hats. When the PM was asked about his view on the meeting he answered, "My colleagues were simply exercising their God given right to do exactly as they please- at your expense."

28% of Tory voters think David Cameron is in touch with ...
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/.../Barely-quarter-Tory-voters-think-David-C...



31 Mar 2014 - MailOnline - news, sport, celebrity, science and health stories .... Just 28 per cent of people who voted Conservative in 2020 thik ... Among 1,900 peoplesurveyed, just 14 per cent thought Mr Cameron was 'in touch with normal people', ...Even Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg out-polled Mr Cameron on 16 per  ...

Missing: my

Westminster Village/People

Sacking of God's UKIP Representative 'The Oxford Prophet' Leaves Door Open For BNP

You don't have to be mad to work in politics but it helps

1. UKIP suspends councillor who blamed flooding on gay marriage

   www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-25802437‎
   

   
   

   6 hours ago - UKIP suspends Oxfordshire councillor David Silvester, who blamed the recent flooding on the government's decision to legalise gay marriage.
   

   Missing: footage

God's UKIP representative David Silvester 'The Oxford Prophet' who predicted the recent floods blaming them on the government's decision to legalise gay marriage has been suspended by his party. The former Conservative nutcase, who is still employed by Henley on Thames council, defected to UKIP after his threats of biblical like 'disasters' were unheeded by blasphemous David Cameron and his sacrilegious cabinet. UKIP were quick to sign the local prophet hoping that he would strengthen their existing squad of lunatics but now it is thought that the BNP are negotiating with Mr Silvester hoping to get him 'on board.'

Speaking from a chip shop in Stoke earlier today Nick Griffin BNP leader said, 'Dave is perfect for us. The BNP need profile and his demented spiritualism is bound to get us on the News at Ten every hour. Also if God is willing to flood half of England because two poofs get married imagine what he is going to do to us for letting Pakis live here? When the final Armageddon comes it is essential that we have someone with Dave's Moses like qualities to tell us what is going to happen next. Pure and simple."

God was, as ever, unavailable for comment but Silvester, acting once again in the almighty's absence, also predicted disease, pestilence and war for the whole country because it had abandoned its gospel oaths. As Silvester's Sodom and Gomorrah like flood forecast was so chillingly correct William Hill now have, up and coming disease at 3:1, pestilence at 2:1 and; all out war; odds on even.

Henley on Thames council are keen to hold onto the highly-paid councilor come soothsayer even after he made claims which would have seen a much poorer man get sectioned but when Alan (Howling Laud) Hope, leader of the Monster Raving Loony Party was asked if they also had plans to enter the bidding race to secure Silvester's contract, he said, "We do have some limits old boy. He's a proper nutter."

Moses Parts the Sea - The Ten Commandments ... - YouTube
► 2:26► 2:26
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqCTq3EeDcY



9 Oct 2011 - Uploaded by MOVIECLIPS
Moses (Charlton Heston) parts the Red Sea for the Hebrews to escape ... The story relates the life of Moses ...