The Stuffing 'Em Post: Sport Crime

Desperate Hodgson Annouces New 4-4-2 2-4-4 'Phone Number' Formation

Hodgson; phone number formation is the 'only way'

After England's mediocre performances during recent qualifying rounds for the European Championship, Roy Hodgson has announced what he calls his new 4-4-2 2-4-4 'Phone number' formation for the next games. When puzzled reporters at the press conference following last Sunday's underwhelming match against Slovenia, asked, 'Won't that mean you have twenty one players on the pitch?' the desperate manager shouted, 'Exactly!'

Hodgson (who seemed drunk) glanced around taking a slug from a bottle hidden inside a brown paper bag and continued, 'Its not 1966 anymore boys. Back then half these countries didn't have pitches, or shin pads, or goal posts, or even fucking screw in studs. Jesus Christ! Some of them didn't even have a pair of bollocking balls to rub together! Nowadays, they've got the lot. Maybe even JD Sports shops. I bet some of 'em even have home videos so they can watch our previous matches and work out our secret tactics, like constantly passing the ball back to our keeper when we can't think of anything else to do. If we're going to win again the phone number formation is the only way!'

It is not the first time Hodgson has made seemingly unrealistic remarks, though this is thought the reason he was given the job by the FA in the first place, in order to keep a sense of continuity over the last thirty years of UK national football squad management.

Colin Gulag, a cab driver from East Sussex, was quick to point out that 4-4-2-2-4-4 is actually the phone number for A1 taxis based in Three Bridges and, went on to stress, that an A1 taxi from Gatwick to Three Bridges is only £27 which represents 'excellent value for money'.