Westminster Village/ Hall

May: bloodhound with fox's scent wafting in nostrils
Tories Unleash Traditional Tory Election Manifesto

In the wake of last week's leaked Labour election manifesto, a document brimming with exciting measures intended to spread wealth, opportunity and equality across the land, the Tories have showed them how the political class really operates and unleashed their own set of manifesto 'pledges' which take, as their central theme, the traditional Tory pursuit of killing things.

Theresa May appeared at the unleashing wearing everything that her local NEXT branch couldn't quite sell in the 2014 January sales and bayed like a bloodhound with the fox's scent wafting in her nostrils, "Jeremy Corbyn and his gang of Marxist revolutionaries, with their crazy ideas like fairness and being nice, are threatening to take this country all the way back to the 1970's. The man is an idiot. This is simply not far enough. That is why the Conservative Party pledge to take us back to the 1770's. A far more desirable time altogether in which killing things such as; disabled people, foreign people, poor people, foxes, the economy, democracy, the NHS - had there been such a thing for us to kill back then, education, human rights and pensioners were simply what one does when one was a Tory. And so, in this time-honoured fashion, we intend to continue doing exactly the same to the English public for the next two hundred and fifty years. Hurrah for me and the Tories! After all, what would a pack of talentless, greedy, awkward knobs who can't use a broom, or a screwdriver, or even nail two pieces of wood together without making pricks out of themselves do, were it not for the privileged life of an Honorable Member for Parliament who spends, sometimes, almost four hours a day fleecing those whom work harder than we can imagine for less than we can perceive? Dah diddley dee it's a politician's life for me. Now where's that 2014 NEXT catalogue? I need something threateningly garish in either grey or black so I can look like the authoritative captain of an Imperial battle cruiser when I win the election and visit the queen to decide which poor people we are going to kill first."

Peter Padstock (55), a pet shop owner from Radstock, was upbeat about his future as a landless debt surf under the yolk of Tory feudalism and pathetically bleated, "Although the entire Conservative front bench are all millionaires and have enjoyed educations costing more than my entire life's wages and none of them can change a wheel on their car, or clap in time to music, or read a map, or throw a stick, or play a child's video game, or clean their own shoes, decades of giving my personal authority away to people with posh accents means I'll be voting Tory. Anyway, the BBC said that Corbyn is mad and, because I don't bother reading anything other than the horoscopes, they must be right. Posh people that is. Not horoscopes. They predicted things would go well for Virgos last year but my wife told me that I was a spineless sod and left me. For my brother. On my birthday. Which is on Christmas Day. And she took the kids. And the dog. And all my money and food and music and everything else, including the tree. But I'm still exciting about being a debt surf when the Tories come to power. Yeh! Every cloud has a silver lining eh? Or maybe a brass one after the next set of cuts."

However, not everyone was as cheerful about the Tories' manifesto and Hector Honouris (51), a former anthropology professor at Durham University currently packing shelves at ASDA because of recent education cuts, fumed, "People must be a bunch spineless sods to even consider letting this gang of thieves loot them - again. Remember, Mrs May thinks nothing of letting a pack of dogs tear a defenseless animal apart, in front of her, so just imagine what she is capable of doing to you - another unwanted parasite on her land. Of course, in anthropological terms, the public's preference to Theresa May and her gang of aristocratic thugs over Jeremy Corbyn: an obviously well-meaning, decent man, who actually wants to give them money, proves that mankind, as a species, is still in a primitive stage in which the unevolved illogically defer to aggressive, self-aggrandizing tribal leaders to guard them from the perceived dangers of the 'jungle' instead of gravitating toward their more rational counterparts better suited for governance in the post-industrial age. Or, to put it simply, the majority of English people have smarties for bollocks and would let you put their own children on the game if you turned up driving a fucking Rolls Royce with brass band music playing out the windows and the Red Arrows flying overhead. Fight back you spineless bastards! Vote Labour!"

Jeremy Corbyn just held a general election rally and thousands of ...

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Mediaganda

Facebook lies make Zuckerberg's blood boil like exploding Samsung Iphone
UK Elections Force Fresh Media Attack On 'Fake News'

The fragile fidelity of the UK elections have, once again, forced media giants the BBC and Facebook to team up against the rampant global forces of 'fake news.' Main outlets targeted for suspicion include usual suspects; the internet, people talking in pubs (especially those having a fag outside) and the truth. Fake news was first invented by US counter intelligent bosses when they alleged Russian Premier Vladimir Putin had caused Hillary Clinton's shock election defeat by posting pictures of her eating baby garnished pizzas on Snapchat. Though this story, in itself, was to hide the fact John Podesta, amongst others working for the Clinton team, were, at the very least, involved in grossly immoral, if not altogether illegal behaviour, it worked like a charm and since then pro-establishment types everywhere have been on the lookout for this new and most virulent threat to their cosy world order.

Lord Devlin Mendax Odium (66), Head of Truth Economics at the BBC, explained, "Basically, we know certain members of the pubic expose themselves to information antithetical to the, or more truthfully our, established worldview. Happy thinking as we at the Beeb like to call it. So, for the sake of impartiality in these important weeks before the general election, we are simply advising the British public to ignore things like; books, the internet, foreign TV, foreigners in general, scruffy people with cars over ten years old who don't immediately throw on a North Face jacket every time it even looks like raining and, for the next month or so, to only pay attention to newspapers from your local newsagent and programs advertised in the Radio Times. If everyone sticks to these few simple rules then everything will run smoothly and our friends at the Conservative Party will, once again, slip seamlessly into power. Rather like a masterful but insistent stallion mounting an unsuspecting filly in one of my paddocks. Ah yes. Excellent."

Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg carey/sharey CEO of Facebook, sighed into his skinny double decaf latte and lamented, "The thought that someone would say something untrue on the internet breaks my heart. But the idea that someone would lie on Facebook makes my blood boil like an exploding Samsung I phone. That's why we must work harder than Chinese people in an Apple tablet factory to stamp out any criticism of public freedom and global democracy wherever it is, once and for all."

Conservative Party communications chief Timothy Turlington Trice (33) scoffed, "This fake news bollocks is genius. I thought the conspiracy theorist slur was brilliant but this is even better. I mean, even if someone prints what I've just said, or Boris gets caught with his pants round his ankles in an old folk's home, or an orphanage, or even a cowshed for Christ's sake, or if people actually found out Labour are more popular than us, then I can just say, 'Oh that, old boy, it's just  fake news.' Haw haw. Look's like I can spend the next four weeks with my feet on my desk. The English people must be a load of old cock wombles to believe this crap... Oh! Haw haw! Roll on the elections in June old boy! Roll on the elections in June!"

Fake news: Should we know how to spot it? - BBC News

www.bbc.com/news/technology-39526276
7 Apr 2017
Facebook's director of policy for Europe says it's up to people to educate themselves.

Westminster Village/ Hall

May's lizard appearence went down well with Tory voters
Theresa May Shapeshifts Into 6ft Lizard To Woo Core Tory Vote

Theresa May has shape-shifted into a six foot lizard from Niburu during a live speech on the BBC's News Channel in an effort to appeal to core Tory voters before the upcoming elections. Conservative mandarins are thought to be delighted with the new multidimensional move as they had already wanted the public to get to know the 'real personalities of their prospective leader' and early opinion polls suggest that the PM's appearence as an emotionless alien reptile from space went down well with typical Tories voters including: homeowners, chief executives, stockholders, BBC viewers, anyone working in the financial sector, estate agents, Waitrose customers and the Royal family. After her speech Mrs May (or IT as it wants to be known) went to see the Queen at Buckingham Palace to ask permission for the declaration of a general election and to share an enormous jar of flies.

Peter Prostate (52) a used car dealer from Peterborough preambled, "As long as you don't print my name, my age, where I live, or what job I do then OK, I reckon England needs a strong leader to get us a good Brexit deal so a talking lizard with the morals of a insect will be good for the country. Y'know? Why not? We've tried everything else. And if that Jean Claude Bonkers bloke tries to give her any lip she can just slap him with her tail. ...Can't she?"

David Icke was beside himself with joy and crowed like a particularly cocky crow who had just won an enormously unlikely accumulator at the bookies, "I've got two words for everyone who thought I was an idiot: Multidimensional lizard creatures are everywhere and control this country's entire press. Even, probably, the words you're reading right now."

Jeremy Corbyn was less pleased at the news as his own ratings took another beating in the polls but the shadow leader was typically philosophical about May's science fiction-like stunt and commented, "I'm frankly not surprised in the slightest: either in what she has done or the country's response. Don't you think I've been paying ANY attention over the past two years? The English people, and specifically the political class, are as mad as a particularly mad box of Amazonian frogs that has experimented extensively with shamanic hallucinogenic drugs. At the moment I honestly wouldn't be surprised if half of them suddenly turned around and turned into packets of assorted biscuits."

Theresa May dismissed rumours that a horrific multidimensional alien creature determined to enslave the world's population becoming leader of the country could be bad for anyone as 'fake news' before terrifyingly scuttling up the wall of No 10 downing Street and into Horse Guards Parade where she caught an unsuspecting Japanese tourist with her 15ft tongue then swallowed him whole and jumped into a dark car to be taken back to MI5 HQ and recharged under a sunlamp.

Theresa May is a lizard: Google delivers fake news as fact - The Times

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/.../theresa-may-is-a-lizard-google-delivers-fake-news-as-fa...

7 Mar 2017 - Theresa May is a lizard: Google delivers fake news as fact ... information to common queries such as “who were the 2017 Oscar winners?

Theresa May memes go viral after PM performs bizarre laugh during ...

https://www.thesun.co.uk/.../theresa-may-performs-bizarre-laugh-d...
8th March 2017, 1:15 pm. Updated: 9th March 2017, 5:10 pm ... THERESA Mayperformed a bizarre ...

Counter Intelligence=Stupidity

When coincidences transcend statistical anomaly are they coincidences?
Terrorist's Number Fixation Piles On Coincidences

The Westminster terrorist attack that took place on the 22nd March has, once again, not only highlighted international terrorism's fanatical hatred of the West, but also their seemingly fanatical fixation with specific dates and numbers. Only the clinically insane amongst us including the BBC, ITV, C4, SKY, Guardian, SUN, Times etc missed the extraordinary coincidence that the last terrorist attack in Brussels happened on the exactly same day 3/22 two years ago. Whilst the 322 Skull and Bones secret society connection, of which John Kerry US foreign Secretary, George Bush senior and George Bush junior are still members, might be easier to pass off as 'tinfoil hat territory', surely now the repetition of the number 11 amongst similar attacks (most recently France 11/13) transcends statistical anomaly to the point that only someone who eats a great deal of tinfoil would be able to ignore it.

9/11 is of course the most notorious of such attacks and, accordingly, the most infamous of dates presenting, in itself, a deadly eleven fest. Whist everyone knows 9/11 is the US emergency service number, less know that the ninth of September is the 254th day of the year 2+5+4=11, 9+1+1=11, and leaves 111 days in the year making the ominous trinity 11/11/11. Intriguingly the terrorists picked American Airlines Flight 11 (AA=11) to fly into WTC 1 and also cunningly managed to ensure the plane contained 11 crew and 92 (9+2=11) passengers perfectly completing their insanely complex 'Jihad.' For their next trick they found two buildings resembling an enormous 11, contained 110 stories each and also managed to knock down the 47 story (4+7=11) Building 7 without hitting it, flukily making another 11/11/11. No Doubt sending evil Mullah's all over the world into mind bending fits of applied mathematics on their abacuses the Madrid attacks followed on 11/3/04, 911 days afterwards before the London 7/7 attacks (77=7x11) which was, at least intriguingly, also the number of Flight 77 the plane type thing that hit the Pentagon, construction of which strangely commenced sixty years previously - to the day - on 9/11 (11/11/11) 1941, only months before the 'old' Pearl Harbour.

Before we had real terrorists we had to rely on people like lonewolf Lee Harvey Oswald but, not to be outdone by ridiculous statistical anomalies, he also picked 22/11 (another 11/11/11) 1963 for his notorious magic bullet-touting assassination of JFK. Spookily carrying on the coincidences the assassination of Chilean President Salvador Allende also occurred on the 11th of September 9/11 1973 though, of course, his murder was not carried out by proper 'terrorists' one might still imagine that it was quite scarey for Mr Allende and those around him when several bullets blew his brains out. Of course 9/11 in English would usually be the 9th of November, which I'll only mention in passing as it is another extraordinary coincidence, was the date for the fall of the Berlin Wall 1989 and, though no a terrorist attacks, as such, the '29th of the 29th' or Black Thursday 1929 World Stock Market Crash Day certainly made a lot of people take note - much like a terrorist attack. Even stranger of course world death day itself the 11th of the 11th of the 11th, the date we celebrate telling the ultimate terrorism of war, is undeniably 11 heavy. Now I come to think of it; WWI, WWII and WWIII when put together would be another 11/11/11 perhaps the ultimate deadly eleven fest.

All in all, if I wanted to protect people from terrorist attacks, or bad things in general, I would recommend that on dates with numbers which were either multiples or divisibles of eleven that they stay in, turn off the TV and have a cup of tea. In which gin, opium or perhaps cyanide would be optional depending on the amount of 11's.

9/11 and 7/7 numerology decoded using Crowley and the kabbalah ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEoQZ_3Xsvg
8 Dec 2016 - Uploaded by hoax buster
9/11 and 7/7 numerology decoded using Crowley and the kabbalah 777. hoax buster ...

Plebivision

Kuenssberg forthright: New logo not Conservative enough
BBC Rebrands Itself 'The Conservative Party'

The Conservative think tank formerly known as the BBC has officially changed its name to The Conservative Party. The long-expected rebranding was considered 'well overdue' by BBC Trust members, top officials, news and program editors, presenters and staff alike when they realised that they were all, in fact, either currently, previously or subsequently working for or already life-long supporters of The Conservative Party.

Longtime BBC Politics Show presenter Andrew Neil, ex-chairman of The Federation of Conservative Students and research assistant for The Conservative Party, huffed, 'One morning last week we [the entire BBC staff] all just looked at each other and said 'Fuck it. Why pretend anymore?' and that was that. Let me assure British TV licence-payers that this streamlining decision was fully democratic in line with BBC official guidelines, which by the way were laid down by my friends at The Conservative Party, as every single Conservative Party supporter working here at the BBC was allowed to vote.'

Mark Forman, BBC Trust member and former Conservative Party Treasurer, agreed, 'Andrew is right as, I would like to remind the public, are all Conservatives. At first we were going to call ourselves 'The British Broadcasting Conservatives' but then Laura Kuenssberg shouted 'Fuck it! If they [the licence payers] can't stop us from mounting a hate campaign of such utterly ridiculous impartiality against Jeremy Corbyn every 15 minutes, seven days a week that would make the Nazi's singling out of the Jews look fair - we're even photoshopping daft hats on his head on Newsnight for fuck's sake! - and after David Cameron and his buddies appeared on our shows 250% more than Labour MPs during the build up to the last elections when we are compelled under UK law to strict impartiality regulations - then how the fuck can they stop us from changing the name to 'The Conservative Party?' And that was that. Laura can be so forthright.'

Ms Kuenssberg was not available for comment as she was busy glassing a Corbyn supporter in the face at her local pub 'The Laughing Conservative' but Nick Robinson, former chief BBC news editor and ex-chairman of The Cheshire Young Conservatives, defended the Beeb's decision claiming, 'It is vital in order to combat theories of fake news that the BBC clean up their act like this. I myself have long campaigned for a private but highly-visible monorail connecting Conservative Party HQ to the BBC offices, all paid for at licence payer's expense and ensuring Conservative Party members don't get stuck in traffic jams when travelling to and fro between important briefings. As long as the BBC continues to represent a broad spectrum of political views: all the way from soft Conservatism on the right - to hard Conservatism on the far right - then the UK public who, in my experience, are all Conservatives too, will gladly accept these changes.'

Sir Roger Carr, BBC Trust vice-chair and also [SHOCKINGLY!] BAE chairman, rallied around his friends, sycophantically oozing, 'Andrew Neil, Nick Robinson, Laura Kuenssberg, Mark Forman and indeed all Conservatives at the BBC and everywhere else, especially Teresa May and Tony Blair, are right - it is high time we called ourselves The Conservative Party. I myself have never worked directly for The Conservative Party but BAE are practically an arm of The Conservative Party already as we share all the same core beliefs; pro war, pro debt, pro austerity, pro bankers, pro bailout, pro sickening privilege, pro no prosecutions in ongoing investigations into the Westminster pedophile ring, pro all UK top political, media, industry jobs filled with the same public school pro Conservative stooges, pro continuation of crippling student loans, pro NHS privatisation, pro third and even forth Heathrow runways, pro arms deals with brutal regimes sanctioning further atrocities on surrounding indigenous defenceless populations, pro GCHQ recording every public email and phone call checking if you oppose Conservative policies, pro this unrelenting ludicrous political bias, pro The Conservative Party, pro BBC and pro keeping it the same way forever.'

We're all used to anti-Corbyn bias, but this time the BBC has taken it ...

www.thecanary.co › UK

11 Jan 2017 - While some have argued there is a tendency for his supporters to jump at shadows and 'cry wolf' concerning anti-Corbyn bias, anyone who ..

BBC Anti Corbyn Propaganda? | The Canary vs The BBC - YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LG5motTguw
24 Jan 2017 - Uploaded by mcneilio
Original article: http://www.thecanary.co/2017/01/20/unfazed-recent-scolding-bbc-spews-anti-corbyn ...

Deadly Sales

'Coke: The real killer flavour -  Whoosh! Kaboom!
Trump Sanctions Advertising On US Military Vehicles

US President Donald Trump has passed more new legislation this time sanctioning corporate advertising on US military vehicles including; jeeps, trucks, armoured cars, tanks, aircraft carriers, nuclear subs and even, controversially, stealth bombers. The embattled President has appointed Senator Louis Cipher Bilderberg, CEO of Coca Cola and also interestingly board member of the Lima Tank Factory (a factory that makes tanks) to be the new tzar of what the President has termed 'Battle Branding.'

Trump administration officials revealed the details of the new plans explaining, 'In the past CDPO's - collateral damage press obligations, or dead people as we used to call them, never actually knew why they were being blown up, as they had no televisions to watch BBC or FOX news. But now, with our new branding initiative, even the most destitute of useless eaters will recognize the globalised entities for whom they and their families are being destroyed. This new synergy between the two most profitable retail sectors of our economy; i.e. cheap consumables and war, presents both parties with exciting new product-placement brand-crossover opportunities. Advertising basically. Imagine the new commercials; 'Coke has the real killer flavour -  Whoosh! Kaboom! Or 'Make that two big Macs fella. I'm gonna eat the Taliban out of Afghanistan. Awesome! I'm wasted on politics. Mother was right, I should have gone into advertising. OMG! I've just realised; they're exactly the same. High five!'

As with much of President Trump's new legislation these new plans have run into trouble with several complaints coming in particular from top military staff. Five Star General Bud Weiser blustered, 'What is that living turd trying to do to the Goddamn US army? We [US military] have spent upwards of 500 billion dollars camouflaging everything on the battlefield from the wheel nuts on the new Abrams 31b Tank to the Goddamn knives and forks in the mess tent. Now this over-inflated tangerine is gonna make it all visible from twenty miles away. Thank Christ the B2 stealth bomber can strike from at least two twenty times that distance before flying over the target and the remaining survivors see 'The Best A Man Can Get' written over the bomb bay and the troops march in dressed as Goddamn Ronald McDonald!'

Expanding the advertising on weapons policy to its illogical conclusions Trump's team have indicated plans to place Walmart 'blip vert' logos on the tips of the 1.78 million rounds of ammunition recently bought by Homeland Security to combat 'student loan fraud.' However, an idea to place a 'Jaffa' logo on President's Trump's forehead was deemed a step too far even for this administration. Though US Secretary of State Rex Tillerson later commented, strictly off the record, 'We will wait for orders from our owners about that.'

Homeland Security under investigation for massive ammo buys - RT.com
https://www.rt.com/usa/dhs-ammo-investigation-napolitano-645/
30 Apr 2013 - The Department of Homeland Security is under investigation for purchasing ... 03:24 GMT, Feb 21, 2017 ... Purchasing 1.6 billion rounds of ammo would also give DHS the means to fight the equivalent of a 24-year Iraq War.

2017 Convoy Trains Transporting UN Military Tanks Prepare for ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbP1rEE8CR8
22 Mar 2016 - Uploaded by LivingTheGoodLife
2017 Convoy Trains Transporting UN Military Tanks Prepare for Martial Law Riots NWO ... Recent Footage ...

Medaiganda

Cash burning Coyne earmarked for treasury job
Cambridge Student Burns Entire Fortune In Front Of Tramp

A Cambridge student, Ronald Coyne (21) has set fire to his entire fortune in front of a tramp for a 'ruse.' The incident happened on 'Enrage The Poor Night,' a weekly tradition for Cambridge students wishing to apply for the privileged Bullingdon Club and, although local Tory club representatives have temporarily barred Mr Coyne for public relations reasons, it is known that government budget officials have already earmarked the cash burning student for a top job at the Treasury.

Lord Arthur Avarus, chief advisor to the UK Treasury commented on the incident, "Not only has Coyne shown how effective a top-notch English education is for instilling a sense of cruelty, natural superiority and ridiculous self-entitlement but also establishing a keen understanding for the true value of money. He's all set to be the new George Osborne and is certainly paying attention in his classes which, I might add, are obviously worth every single one of the trillions and trillions and, literally, trillions of pennies that it costs you."

Mr Coyne's parents were upbeat about the incident laughing, "It's funny. He never did this type of thing at home. Though, there aren't any poor people here to goad so they might explain it. We're not made of money, though fortunately our bank account is so we'll be sending him another van load of the stuff so he can rub it in a waitress's face, or wipe his arse with it then slap it on the forehead of a lap dancer on one of his nights out with his brainy uni mates. We feel that it's important, especially at testing times such as these, that people always remember whatever he does with it - even if he rams it all up a vicar's backside with a punting pole - he'll still walk into a highly-paid job when he leaves university which, in itself, is far more enraging."

Mr Coyne was not available for comment himself as he was busy flushing his wallet down a local Premier Inn toilet in front of a cleaner on minimum wages but Peter Patiens, the tramp in front of whom the money was burnt, said, "What a prick. At least it kept me and my mates warm for the night and, as we stood around warming our hands and taking the piss out of the little tosser, we discussed that surely the only effective way of resolving the existing international economic crisis, thus preventing this uneven spread of wealth, was to give the government back the ability of money production for which they need only charge interest rates in line with inflation when, after all, lending it to themselves, instead of borrowing it from the usury-based, privately-owned central banking cartel. But no one listens to us because we didn't go to Cambridge University. Never mind. Going to be another cold night. I wonder where the prick is?"

Cambridge student who burned £20 in front of homeless man 'has lust ...

www.mirror.co.uk › News › UK News › Homelessness
10 Feb 2017
Ronald Coyne was seen on a Snapchat video wearing a white bow tie and tails and struggling to set alight the ...

Cambridge University turned me into an arrogant, entitled brat | The ...

www.independent.co.uk/.../cambridge-university-turned-me-into-an-arrogant-entitled...

8 Dec 2015 - Before I became a student there, I never quite appreciated how the ... like Oxford and Cambridge were being used to prop up the class system in this country. ... I also paid for the privilege of working at that ball, for my part ...