Bad Science

S-S.H.I.T.E.R.R. bot about to mate with box
Defective Robots To Replace Top US Politicians

Hopes of AI machines taking our jobs received another kick in its titanium groin yesterday when Boston Dynamics' disastrous program to build a shelf-stacking robot ended in failure. (see video below). Top US scientists have now decided the only workers that robots can realistically replace are US politicians.

Head of Robotics at Boston Dynamics Hans Creosote PHD, frowned, 'We've spent $700,000,000 developing the Shelf-Stacker Hyper Independence Technical Employee Replacement Robot (S-S.H.I.T.E.R.R.) but every time we turn it on all it does is knock down the boxes then tries to mate with them. Our backers were anxious to recoup their investment so they decided the only job on earth low-skilled enough for our defective robots to replace were US politicians. A deal was quickly completed with the Un-human Resources Centre of the Federal Government and the robots will be phased in during the Senator's summer holidays. Er ...Good luck!'

A White House aid commented that Mike Pence, Rex Tillerson and, of course, President Donald Trump himself are 'first in line for replacement', adding, 'Before the new defective robots come on line, due to the volatile political situation in Charlottesville and North Korea, new interactive Mickey Mouse talking dolls will be purchased from Amazon and used instead as a precautionary measure.'
The Boston Dynamics' team have already fitted their new replacement 'bots' with ground-breaking clapping software and extra long-life Duracell batteries in preparation for Benjamin Netanyahu's next state visit where it is hoped that they will be able to perform the obligatory 33 standing ovations without exploding and bursting into flames. Other necessary attributes, including random sentence generation, jerky hand gestures and illogical press conferences, were said to be 'well underway' with one team member suggesting, strictly off the record, 'Haven't you been watching TV recently? The Shelf-Stacker Hyper Independence Technical Employee Replacement Robot might not be able to put one box on top of another without making a total dick out of itself but it's not that bad.'

Hapless Boston Dynamics robot in shelf-stacking fail - video ... › Technology › Robots
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Election Special

                 Bojo 'Labour's Numbers Don't Add Up' Hawking 'I'm Voting Labour'
Bojo 'Labour's Numbers Don't Add Up' 
Hawking 'I'm Voting Labour'

Yesterday in a thoroughly unsurprising turn of events Conservative thinking once again found itself at loggerheads with logic when Stephen Hawking, widely renowned to be the world's most intelligent man, publically announced his support for Jeremy Corbyn and The Labour Party.

It is not the first time the Tories have found themselves at the shitty end of the clever stick. Indeed, throughout modern history all sentient people everywhere have disagreed with every single Conservative policy ever announced. It seems this revealing trend is set to continue with many other prominent intellectuals now publicly backing Labour's election bid including: Dr Adotey Bing-Pappoe, lecturer in economics, Alan Freeman (personal capacity), Alfredo Saad Filho, Professor of Political Economy, SOAS University of London, Andrew Cumbers, Professor of Regional Political Economy, University of Glasgow, Andrew Simms, author of The New Economics, co-director New Weather Institute, Andy Ross FAcSS, Visiting Professor, Birkbeck University of London , Andy Kilmister, Department of Accounting, Finance and Economics, Oxford Brookes University, Ann Pettifor, Director of PRIME Economics (Policy Research in Macroeconomics), Dr Antonio Andreoni (PhD Cambridge), Senior Lecturer in Economics, SOAS University of London, Anwar Shaikh, Professor, New School for Social Research, USA, Arturo Hermann, Senior research fellow, Italian National Institute of Statistics, Rome, Italy, Professor Ben Fine, Department of Economics, SOAS University of London, Robert Rowthorn, Emeritus Professor of Economics, University of Cambridge., Bruce Cronin, Professor of Economic Sociology, Director of Research, Director of the Centre for Business Network Analysis, University of Greenwich, Dr Bruno Bonizzi, Lecturer in Political Economy, University of Winchester, Carlos Oya, Reader in Development Studies, SOAS University of London, Carolina Alves, PhD Economics, Carolyn Jones, Director, Institute of Employment Rights, Cem Oyvat, Lecturer, University of Greenwich, Christopher Cramer, Professor of the Political Economy of Development, SOAS University of London, Ciaran Driver FAcSS, Professor of Economics, SOAS University of London, Professor Colin Haslam, Professor of Accounting and Finance, Queen Mary University of London, Costas Lapavitsas, Professor of Economics, SOAS University of London, Cyrus Bina, Distinguished Research Professor of Economics, University of Minnesota, USA, Dr Dan O’Neill, Lecturer in Ecological Economics, University of Leeds, Daniela Gabor, Professor of Economics and Macro-Finance, University of the West of England, Daniele Archibugi, Professor, Birkbeck College, Professor Danny Dorling, University of Oxford, Writer and Academic, Dean Baker, Co-Director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research, Washington, DC, Dr Deborah Johnston Pro-Director (Learning and Teaching) SOAS (University of London), Diego Sánchez-Ancochea, Associate Professor in Political Economy, Director, Latin American Centre, University of Oxford, Dr Dimitris P. Sotiropoulos, The Open University Business School, Elisa Van Waeyenberge, Lecturer of Economics, SOAS University of London, Dr Emanuele Lobina, Public Services International Research Unit, University of Greenwich, Dr Faiza Shaheen, Economist (in a personal capacity), Frances Stewart, Professor of Development Economics and Director, Centre for Research on Inequality, Human Security and Ethnicity, University of Oxford, Gary Dymski, Professor of Applied Economics, Leeds University Business School, Geoff Harcourt, Honorary Professor, UNSW Australia, Gerald Epstein, Co-Director, Political Economy Research Institute, and Department of Economics, University of Massachusetts Amherst, USA, Dr Giorgos Galanis, Lecturer in Economics, Goldsmiths University, Gregor Semieniuk, Lecturer in Economics, SOAS University of London, Guglielmo Forges Davanzati, Associate professor of Political Economy, University of Salento, Italy, Dr Guy Standing FAcSS, Professorial Research Associate, SOAS University of London, Ha-Joon Chang, University of Cambridge, Hannah Bargawi, Lecturer in Economics, SOAS University of London, and Research Partner, Centre for Development Policy and Research, Dr Hassan Hakimian, Reader in Economics, SOAS University of London, Professor Dr Heiner Flassbeck, former Chief Economist of UNCTAD, Geneva, Heikki Patomäki, Professor of World Politics, University of Helsinki, Howard M. Wachtel, Professor Emeritus of Economics, American University, Washington, DC, USA, Howard Reed, Director, Landman Economics, Dr Hugh Goodacre, Senior Lecturer in Economics, University of Westminster, Teaching Fellow, University College London, Hugo Radice, University of Leeds., Hulya Dagdeviren, Professor of Economic Development, University of Hertfordshire, Ilhan Dögüs, Department of Socioeconomics, University of Hamburg, Germany, James K. Galbraith, Professor of Government, University of Texas, USA, Jan Toporowski, Professor of Economics and Finance, SOAS University of London, Dr Jane Lethbridge, Public Services International Research Unit, University of Greenwich, Jeanette Findlay, Senior Lecturer in Economics, University of Glasglow, Jeff Faux, Founder & former Director, Economic Policy Institute, Washington D C, Dr Jeff Powell, Senior Lecturer in Economics, University of Greenwich, Dr Jeff Tan, Economist, Aga Khan University in the UK, Jeremy Smith, co-director, PRIME Economics (Policy Research in Macroeconomics), Dr Jo Michell, Senior Lecturer in Economics, UWE Bristol, Professor John Grahl, Economics Department, Middlesex University, John Palmer, former Political Director of the European Policy Centre, Dr Johnna Montgomerie, Senior Lecturer in Economics, Deputy Director of the Political Economy Research Centre, Goldsmiths University of London, Jonathan Dawson, Coordinator of Economics, Schumacher College, Professor Jonathan Michie, Professor of Innovation & Knowledge Exchange, University of Oxford , Dr Jonathan Perraton, Senior Lecturer in Economics, University of Sheffield, Jorge Buzaglo, Associate Professor of Economics, University of Stockholm, Sweden, Dr Julian Wells, Principal Lecturer of Economics, Kingston University, Kate Bayliss, Research Fellow, Economics Department, SOAS University of London, Professor Kate Pickett, University of York Champion for Research on Justice & Equality, Dr Kevin Deane, Senior Lecturer in International Development, University of Northampton (personal capacty), Dr Kitty Stewart, Associate Professor of Social Policy, London School of Economics and Political Science, Klaus Nielsen, Professor of Institutional Economics, Birkbeck University of London, László Andor, Associate Professor, Corvinus University, Hungary, Leslie Huckfield, Yunus Centre for Social Business & Health, Glasgow Caledonian University, Malcolm Sawyer, Emeritus Professor of Economics, University of Leeds, Marco Veronese Passarella, Economics Division, Leeds University Business School, Maria Nikolaidi, Senior Lecturer in Economics, University of Greenwich, Dr Mario Seccareccia, Full Professor, Department of Economics, University of Ottawa, Canada, Dr Martin Watts, Emeritus Professor of Economics, The University of Newcastle, Massoud Karshenas, Professor of Economics, SOAS University of London, Dr Matteo Rizzo, Senior Lecturer, Department of Economics, SOAS University of London, Mehmet Ugur, Professor of Economics and Institutions, University of Greenwich Business School, Michael Roberts, financial economist and author of The Long Depression, Professor Mushtaq Khan, Department of Economics, SOAS, University of London, Professor Ozlem Onaran, Director of Greenwich Political Economy Research Centre, University of Greenwich, Pallavi Roy, Lecturer in International Economics, SOAS, University of London, Paulo dos Santos, Assistant Professor of Economic, New School for Social Research, USA, Paul Mason, economics writer, Prem Sikka, Emeritus Professor of Accounting, University of Essex, Dr Pritam Singh, Professor of Economics, Oxford Brookes University, Radhika Desai, Professor, Department of Political Studies, University of Manitoba, USA, Richard McIntyre, Professor, Chair, Department of Economics, University of Rhode Island, USA, Richard Murphy, Professor of Practice in International Political Economy at City University of London and Director of Tax Research LLP, Richard Parker, Kennedy School of Government, Harvard University, USA, Richard Wilkinson, Emeritus Professor of Social Epidemiology, University of Nottingham, Dr Robert Calvert Jump, Lecturer in Economics, Kingston University, Robert Neild, Professor Emeritus of Economics, University of Cambridge, Robert Pollin, Distinguished Professor of Economics and Co-Director, Political Economy Research Institute, University of Massachusetts Amherst, USA, Roberto Veneziani, Queen Mary University of London, Susan Himmelweit, Emeritus Professor of Economics, Open University, Dr Sara Gorgoni, Senior Lecturer in Economics, University of Greenwich, Dr Sara Maioli, Lecturer in Economics, Newcastle University, Dr Satoshi Miyamura, Lecturer in the Economy of Japan, SOAS University of London, Shawky Arif, The University of Northampton, Simon Wren-Lewis, Professor of Economic Policy, Oxford University, Professor Steve Keen, Department of Economics, Kingston University, Professor Engelbert Stockhammer, Kingston University, Simon Mohun, Emeritus Professor of Political Economy, Queen Mary University of London, Dr Sunil Mitra Kumar, Lecturer in Economics, King’s College London, Susan Newman, Senior Lecturer of Economics, University of West England, Dr Susan Pashkoff, Economist, Dr Suzanne J Konzelmann, Director, Postgraduate Programmes in Corporate Governance and Business Ethics, Director, London Centre for Corporate Governance and Ethics, Co-Executive Editor, Cambridge Journal of Economics, Tom Palley, Former Chief Economist, US-China Economic and Security Review Commission, Tomás Rotta, Lecturer in Economics, University of Greenwich, Trevor Evans, Emeritus Professor of Economics, Berlin School of Economics and Law, Germany, Will Davies, Reader in Political Economy, Goldsmiths, University of London, Dr William Van Lear, Economics Professor, Belmont Abbey College, USA, Yanis Varoufakis, Former Minister of Finance, Greece, Yannis Dafermos, Senior Lecturer in Economics, University of the West of England, José Gabriel Palma, University of Cambridge, Yulia Yurchenko, University of Greenwhich, Laurie Macfarlane, Economics Editor, Open Democracy, Meghnad Desai, London School of Economics, Clive Lawson, University of Cambridge, Professor Lawrence King, University of Cambridge

Top Conservative and untrained American aristocrat Boris Johnson, who recently argued Labour's economic strategy did not 'add up', waffled like an excited baboon trying to steal a banana, 'Well, yes. See here now. I've never heard of any these chaps on your list for a start, or most of the places now I come to think of it, but I know ... for a fact, that... er let me see... that lots of eggheads out there currently support the Conservatives and their election direction. Oh yes. Let me see now. In the blue corner, so to speak, we have, firstly and probably most arguably, Katie Hopkins, a person whom I feel we can all agree is... er... known yes, ah ha, for her mental dexterity, if not many other... things. Next, number two if you like, I'd would mention Gary Barlow or as I like to call him 'the thinking man's mistro'. Yes, I rather like that one myself. But, of course, lastly, and by no means... er... least, and he knows that I mean that sincerely, it's my old friend from the Pimlico lido himself; the musical genius Simon Cowell. Now let me tell you all something here and now; everyone single one of these brainiacs is a successful millionaire just like me so, in turn... What was I saying? Ah yes. They must all... er... yes... be clever. Which, I feel. by itself, is enough, so to speak to, let me see now, to... er... make even the most ardent Marxist out there turn blue this June and vote for us; the Tories.'

Stephen Hawking, PHD CH, CBE, FRS, FRSA theoretical physicist, cosmologist, author and Director of Research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology within the University of Cambridge, commented from his wheelchair, 'There is nothing complicated about the theorising that led me to my decision. This is something so simple everyone can understand. Voting Conservative is purely illogical. That is why I advise you to do as I do on the 8th of June and vote Labour.'

Stephen Hawking announces he's backing Labour -
1 day ago
Stephen Hawking has announced that he's backing Labour at the ... he said: “I'm voting Labour because ...

Why should I vote Labour? Everything you need to know about the ... › ... › Midlands News › General election
16 May 2017
What you need to know about the Labour Party for the general election on June 8.

Theresa May booed and heckled with shouts of 'vote Labour!' on trip to ... › News › Politics › General election
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Theresa May has been booed and heckled with repeated shouts of "vote Labour!" on an early morning trip ...

Westminster Village/ Playground

Savile's close relationship with the Conservatives never in doubt
'Out Of Touch' Tory Election Ad Catastrophically 

In a week which saw a record ten point opinion poll slide for the Conservatives after they mistakenly revealed their plans to steal houses from dying pensioners, another problem is developing which threatens to further derail the Tory gravy express train from reaching Downing Street station. A new Conservative advertisement, intended to enhance public support during the all-important election buildup, has catastrophically backfired after 'out of touch' Tory officials disastrously chose, as their poster boy, notorious pervert, child molester and infamous BBC DJ, Jimmy Savile. Mr Savile was always a proud lifelong friend and ally of the Conservatives as the photograph attests and shared all their core values - it is even rumoured that Margaret Thatcher offered him a front row bench position as child welfare ambassador during her terrifying 10 year reign which the celebrity turned down, due to other 'important, but similar,' projects he was working on.

However, whilst Savile's close relationship with the Conservatives was never in doubt the decision to select him as the personality starring in their nationwide election ad-campaign certainly is. Lord Tristan Fortesque Bottomly Smythe (88), ex-Cambridge Latin Scholar currently in charge of Tory election PR, attempted to quell the storm surrounding the controversy, 'Et tu Brute? Oh... never mind. Look, I don't know what all the fuss is about. I'm afraid I don't own a televisual set - well I do but it's secreted behind the harpsichord in the west drawing room and so, consequently, I'm rather behind in - what's it called these days; street credit? Anyway, I must have recognised his [Savile's] face from somewhere - God knows where? - probably an old 1970's Jackie annual which I somehow successfully managed to conceal from mother - and so I naturally assumed he was one of those pop musician types. You see, this is exactly what we [the Tories] need right now; someone who is hep, or, as I overheard someone say the other day, going down on the kids. Someone who can reach out and touch those youngsters that Conservatives have historically always had a problem handling. Edward Heath for example. I seem to remember he always had a problem with youngsters. Anyway, apparently he was discovered as one of these awful pedophile types. Saville that is. Not Heath - Ha, ha. No, no, and now everything's rather blown up in our faces. We're still bound to win though. Usque ad caeruleum as we used to cry out when vigorously fagging in the dorms. Oh yes. Excuse me. Let me translate for your comprehensively educated ears - Up the blues!'

Jeremy Corbyn was busy spinning on his back at a breakdance competition in London's trendy Shoreditch with grime rappers JME and Lowkey, but, as usual, had time to give us his refreshingly honest opinion and dropped some lyrics, 'Respect. This offensive and preposterous mistake by the Tories shows how out of touch they really are. This is why the UK public must vote for a new leadership which truly reflects their wishes, their culture, their dreams and their aspirations, not the aspirations and dreams of the corporate concerns lurking behind the Conservatives. In many ways Mr Savile is representative of the Tory government. He was also part of a self-serving, tiny clique which had no one's best interests at heart, to say the least. He was also morally destitute, a pathological liar, had obnoxious political opinions, even worse friends and, as the Tories' latest advert proves, he also shared their terrible dress sense. Remember, government for the many not the few. Vote Labour!'

When JME Met Jeremy Corbyn

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EXCLUSIVE: Lowkey on Corbyn

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Westminster Village/ Hall

May: bloodhound with fox's scent wafting in nostrils
Tories Unleash Traditional Tory Election Manifesto

In the wake of last week's leaked Labour election manifesto, a document brimming with exciting measures intended to spread wealth, opportunity and equality across the land, the Tories have showed them how the political class really operates and unleashed their own set of manifesto 'pledges' which take, as their central theme, the traditional Tory pursuit of killing things.

Theresa May appeared at the unleashing wearing everything that her local NEXT branch couldn't quite sell in the 2014 January sales and bayed like a bloodhound with the fox's scent wafting in her nostrils, "Jeremy Corbyn and his gang of Marxist revolutionaries, with their crazy ideas like fairness and being nice, are threatening to take this country all the way back to the 1970's. The man is an idiot. This is simply not far enough. That is why the Conservative Party pledge to take us back to the 1770's. A far more desirable time altogether in which killing things such as; disabled people, foreign people, poor people, foxes, the economy, democracy, the NHS - had there been such a thing for us to kill back then, education, human rights and pensioners were simply what one does when one was a Tory. And so, in this time-honoured fashion, we intend to continue doing exactly the same to the English public for the next two hundred and fifty years. Hurrah for me and the Tories! After all, what would a pack of talentless, greedy, awkward knobs who can't use a broom, or a screwdriver, or even nail two pieces of wood together without making pricks out of themselves do, were it not for the privileged life of an Honorable Member for Parliament who spends, sometimes, almost four hours a day fleecing those whom work harder than we can imagine for less than we can perceive? Dah diddley dee it's a politician's life for me. Now where's that 2014 NEXT catalogue? I need something threateningly garish in either grey or black so I can look like the authoritative captain of an Imperial battle cruiser when I win the election and visit the queen to decide which poor people we are going to kill first."

Peter Padstock (55), a pet shop owner from Radstock, was upbeat about his future as a landless debt surf under the yolk of Tory feudalism and pathetically bleated, "Although the entire Conservative front bench are all millionaires and have enjoyed educations costing more than my entire life's wages and none of them can change a wheel on their car, or clap in time to music, or read a map, or throw a stick, or play a child's video game, or clean their own shoes, decades of giving my personal authority away to people with posh accents means I'll be voting Tory. Anyway, the BBC said that Corbyn is mad and, because I don't bother reading anything other than the horoscopes, they must be right. Posh people that is. Not horoscopes. They predicted things would go well for Virgos last year but my wife told me that I was a spineless sod and left me. For my brother. On my birthday. Which is on Christmas Day. And she took the kids. And the dog. And all my money and food and music and everything else, including the tree. But I'm still exciting about being a debt surf when the Tories come to power. Yeh! Every cloud has a silver lining eh? Or maybe a brass one after the next set of cuts."

However, not everyone was as cheerful about the Tories' manifesto and Hector Honouris (51), a former anthropology professor at Durham University currently packing shelves at ASDA because of recent education cuts, fumed, "People must be a bunch spineless sods to even consider letting this gang of thieves loot them - again. Remember, Mrs May thinks nothing of letting a pack of dogs tear a defenseless animal apart, in front of her, so just imagine what she is capable of doing to you - another unwanted parasite on her land. Of course, in anthropological terms, the public's preference to Theresa May and her gang of aristocratic thugs over Jeremy Corbyn: an obviously well-meaning, decent man, who actually wants to give them money, proves that mankind, as a species, is still in a primitive stage in which the unevolved illogically defer to aggressive, self-aggrandizing tribal leaders to guard them from the perceived dangers of the 'jungle' instead of gravitating toward their more rational counterparts better suited for governance in the post-industrial age. Or, to put it simply, the majority of English people have smarties for bollocks and would let you put their own children on the game if you turned up driving a fucking Rolls Royce with brass band music playing out the windows and the Red Arrows flying overhead. Fight back you spineless bastards! Vote Labour!"

Jeremy Corbyn just held a general election rally and thousands of ... › News › Politics › General election
1 day ago
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Facebook lies make Zuckerberg's blood boil like exploding Samsung Iphone
UK Elections Force Fresh Media Attack On 'Fake News'

The fragile fidelity of the UK elections have, once again, forced media giants the BBC and Facebook to team up against the rampant global forces of 'fake news.' Main outlets targeted for suspicion include usual suspects; the internet, people talking in pubs (especially those having a fag outside) and the truth. Fake news was first invented by US counter intelligent bosses when they alleged Russian Premier Vladimir Putin had caused Hillary Clinton's shock election defeat by posting pictures of her eating baby garnished pizzas on Snapchat. Though this story, in itself, was to hide the fact John Podesta, amongst others working for the Clinton team, were, at the very least, involved in grossly immoral, if not altogether illegal behaviour, it worked like a charm and since then pro-establishment types everywhere have been on the lookout for this new and most virulent threat to their cosy world order.

Lord Devlin Mendax Odium (66), Head of Truth Economics at the BBC, explained, "Basically, we know certain members of the pubic expose themselves to information antithetical to the, or more truthfully our, established worldview. Happy thinking as we at the Beeb like to call it. So, for the sake of impartiality in these important weeks before the general election, we are simply advising the British public to ignore things like; books, the internet, foreign TV, foreigners in general, scruffy people with cars over ten years old who don't immediately throw on a North Face jacket every time it even looks like raining and, for the next month or so, to only pay attention to newspapers from your local newsagent and programs advertised in the Radio Times. If everyone sticks to these few simple rules then everything will run smoothly and our friends at the Conservative Party will, once again, slip seamlessly into power. Rather like a masterful but insistent stallion mounting an unsuspecting filly in one of my paddocks. Ah yes. Excellent."

Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg carey/sharey CEO of Facebook, sighed into his skinny double decaf latte and lamented, "The thought that someone would say something untrue on the internet breaks my heart. But the idea that someone would lie on Facebook makes my blood boil like an exploding Samsung I phone. That's why we must work harder than Chinese people in an Apple tablet factory to stamp out any criticism of public freedom and global democracy wherever it is, once and for all."

Conservative Party communications chief Timothy Turlington Trice (33) scoffed, "This fake news bollocks is genius. I thought the conspiracy theorist slur was brilliant but this is even better. I mean, even if someone prints what I've just said, or Boris gets caught with his pants round his ankles in an old folk's home, or an orphanage, or even a cowshed for Christ's sake, or if people actually found out Labour are more popular than us, then I can just say, 'Oh that, old boy, it's just  fake news.' Haw haw. Look's like I can spend the next four weeks with my feet on my desk. The English people must be a load of old cock wombles to believe this crap... Oh! Haw haw! Roll on the elections in June old boy! Roll on the elections in June!"

Fake news: Should we know how to spot it? - BBC News
7 Apr 2017
Facebook's director of policy for Europe says it's up to people to educate themselves.