|Happiness sweeps UK as Tory scum thrown in gutter|
Scenes of happiness reminiscent of the day that Margaret Thatcher died swept across the country when Andrew Mitchell, top Tory tosspot and the most despised man in the UK, was fined £3 million for being a stuck up twat. It is thought that the parasitical lazy-arsed scumbag who has never had a real job in his life will be politically and financially ruined by the court's decision which found him guilty of calling a policeman a 'pleb.'
Tracy Fawcett, a hairdresser from Ipswich, said, 'I don't even know what a pleb is but I'm so glad this toffy-nosed shithead will be bankrupted that I cut everyone's hair for free today. You can just tell by looking at his smug greasy untrustable face that he is a constant liar just like all Tory scum that think they own us. Yahoo! Who wants a cut a blow dry on the house?'
David Beans, a mechanic from Honiton in Devon, laughed, 'It's the best news I've heard in ages. At first I wanted him to die like all Tories then my family and I could dance on his grave but this is much better as his torture will go on and on. It's better than England winning the world cup! Brilliant!'
Conniving Tory mandarins monitoring the surge in public happiness at the humiliation of the disgraced MP were thought to be considering sacrificing a few more filthy layabout conservative filth in a effort to make UK residents so deliriously happy that they laughed and drank so much they forgot to vote in next year's election allowing the slave master party to stay in power. But now potential voters are expected to come out in droves next summer to force out the scourge of conservatism, not because any other politicians will be any better, but because seeing a Tory arsehole in the gutter is better than 'actually' seeing a man on the moon.