The Stuffing 'Em Post: Westminster Village/ Green

Tory Chiefs Congratulate David Mellor For Demanding Taxi Driver Carry His Wife On Back Like Donkey

Adulterous Mellor whipped taxi driver with Daily Telegraph

Tory chiefs have congratulated former minister David Mellor for ordering a taxi driver who had run out of petrol to carry his wife the rest of the way home on his back like a donkey. Adulterous Mellor one of the most inbred men in the country and famous for being able to eat an apple through a tennis racket whipped the taxi driver with a copy of the Daily Telegraph for having the ordacity for complaining at being treated like cattle.

PM David Cameron is said to be 'pleased' by the incident as it highlights new up and coming Tory plans for a rejigging of the idea of 'public transport.' Speaking from his multi-million pound Chipping Norton ranch Cameron chuckled, 'David's quick thinking has reminded UK citizens that they must be ready, at any moment, to come to the aid of any Conservative who is having similar travel problems. In the future the phrase public transport will mean exactly that. When a member of the public is hailed by an aristocrat they must immediately put down what they are doing and, if no other farmyard animals are available, step in to fill the void. After all, we have not spent the last thousand years stealing money off the poor to fund our establishment for nothing. Ha ha. Remember we are all in this together. Although, obviously, some of us a lot more together than others.'

Two taxi drivers who raised objections to the idea claiming that it was 'totally outrageous' are thought to currently being used as speed humps in the grounds of Buckingham Palace.