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IKEA Herald New Disabled Customers Only Store: DCO 'The Way Of The Future'

Disabled Customers Only 'DCO' store 'The Way of The Future'

IKEA, the popular Scandinavian skip filling company, has heralded its new disabled customers only 'DCO' store situated in Basingstoke as, 'The way of the future.' It is thought Basingstoke, in leafy Berkshire, was chosen because it was the most disabled town in England.

Kevin Greenhouse, general manager of the store pointed out, 'Our methodology was simple. This time last year most of our UK stores already had 50% of the car parks designated to disabled people only then someone in management said, 'Fuck it! Let's do the lot!' and then someone else said, 'Fuck that! Let's do the whole fucking store. Yeah!' so we did. As all the customers are in wheelchairs it means we can have twice as many floors. But we will need all the space we can get because the shelves now have to be half as high.'

New lower doors in groundbreaking IKEA store
Mr Greenhouse was quick to point out, 'Abled-bodied customers will still be able to share the shopping experience of their disabled loved ones and friends. Though unfortunately their car park is 17 miles away in Reading they can catch the intermittent IKEA monorail service when it is finished in 2027 (ish), a ride of a lifetime (perhaps literally), that will only cost approximately £175.00 though early pricing estimates may spiral out of control at any moment. Once arrived at the abled-bodied viewing platform, situated in the DCO's car park, they will be able to watch their disabled friends and relatives on the CCTV and shout over a microphone instructing them which products to buy.'

When asked if IKEA's new store was discriminatory to abled-bodied people Mr Greenhouse replied, 'Not at all. Also it would be a fire risk to let the abled-bodied crawl down the warren of tiny wheelchair tunnels within the new stall.'

The new IKEA DCO will open its specially lowered and automatic doors on 22nd December. Their will be a special Santa's grotto for the glitzy ceremony featuring a disabled father Christmas being drawn in his invalid carriage by four and a half lame reindeer.

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