|Queen V's White Dee in battle of the UK scroungers|
|White Dee 'Has to put her skates on' to take the NO.1 slot|
After receiving £13 000 over the past year from the English tax payer White Dee (Deirdre Kelly) UK's most successful benefits cheat has boasted that she wants to scrounge more off the country than the Queen.
Royal insiders are not thought to be threatened by Dee's claims. One regal aide laughed, 'That fat, lazy, Northern oik is going to have to put her skates on if she is to equal the Queens top position of UK's No.1 scrounger. With a personal fortune of £500 million and an estimated £150 billion in real estate, owning most of the sea and the best land around the country, dustbin lorries full of expensive jewelry, paintings, cars, carriages, ships, airplanes, helicopters, farms, rivers, swans, corgis, horses, cattle, butlers and with a further £12 million a year coming straight from the vault of the Bank of England for doing absolutely bugger all good old Elizabeth II is serious competition to even the most determined dole fraudster.'
When Dee was told that she would have to claim for another 33 000 illegitimate children just to equal what the Queen receives from the government every month she downed a bottle of lambrini, put on a revealing t-shirt and went down to her local Weatherspoons on the pull.