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Nerve transplants have returned some movement to her upper arm, but she's been ...
After Nicola Wilding's successful bid to have a damaged hand replaced with a bionic unit on the NHS there have been a spate of similar requests for robot surgery across the country. Now it is believed that a 42 year woman from Ipswich is going to be the first UK resident to have her entire body replaced with a new bionic upgrade.
Sophie Landscape, 42, has complained to NHS officials that her old body is no longer fit for purpose as it is lazy, clumsy, ugly and constantly needs over feeding. For these reasons she believes it would be in everyone's best interests if she simply throws it away and starts again from scratch with her new bionic super body costing £2.2 million.
Speaking from her council flat Miss Landscape explained, "my old body is crap. It keeps spilling my pot noodle on the floor. Now the room is smelly and my dog is getting fat. If I had this new bionic upgrade I could go to sleep at work and my robot body could wake me up when my shift was over. Then we could go home and drink and smoke all night as my digital lungs and liver would never get poorly and die."
Suffolk NHS robot surgery consultants have said they are considering the full body replacement because although they will not be able to recoup the initial outlay for the procedure as Miss Landscape's old body, 'is a worthless bag of soiled organs and withered bones,' they will be able to fit her with new monitoring equipment allowing them to constantly scan the other residents in her 17 storey block of flats compiling valuable medical data on them all.