The Stuffing 'Em Post: Deadly Sales

Deadly Sales

New terrorist ID can withstand active volcano impact

Incidence Co Announce New Range Of Indestructible Terrorist ID

Incidence Co, manufacturers of Salam al Suqami's indestructible passport which famously survived 9/11, have announced a new range of extra robust terrorist ID including; driving licences, library cards and utility bills. An official press release from the company explained, 'All new products now have the ability to survive being tied to an intercontinental nuclear missile that is flown directly into an active volcano and still provide authorities with telltale proof of the perpetrators identities afterwards.' A choice of three secure US naval and military bases with excellent credit ratings are provided for home address details on the documents making it easier for terrorists to use the ID when paying for flying lessons, purchasing firearms or buying any other equipment they may need.

There had been pressure on Incidence Co to release the magic formula of the coating used on their cardboard passports that rendered them indestructible on 9/11 because, ironically, of the possible applications to airplane black boxes such as the ones that were destroyed at WTC 1 and 2. But a spokesman from the company said that disclosure of details would present a serious security risk if the information got into the wrong hands and for these reasons, and some other very important ones he was not prepared explain, the contents of the secret coating would remain 'classified.'

Incidence Co's controversial advertising campaign for their new product line claims that 9/11 ringleader Mohammed Atta's falling passport actually knocked over building 7 of the WTC complex. An insider working in the company's creative department told us, 'As no official explanation exists for the collapse of the forty-seven storey building 7 we considered it would be exciting to suggest our products were so rugged that they might have been responsible for the structure's demolition. Blue sky thinking or what?'

After the announcement Incidence Co's share price coincidentally increased by 911%. A Wall Street analyst in military speculation securities commented, "The rise of Incidence Co's value was as certain as a radar blip zeroing in on its inevitable target."