|Arab spring 'good' for EAU profits|
Effigies Are Us, the combustible likeness conglomerate based in Doha, has reported record profits of $2.2 billion this quarter as the Arab spring rumbles on through the troubled middle-east. With sales, over the past ten months, of four-million General Mubaraks and over ten million Colonel Gaddafi 'units', the rapidly expanding company has created a a robust platform from which it can exploit the recently destabilised region.
Speaking from his armoured hummy limousine, Abdullah Ramcine Mohamed, CEO of EAU, claimed, 'Destablization is good for business. That's the bottom-line. For instance, In Syria at the moment we are are shifting 5000 President Assads a day. The inhabitants can't get enough. That guy is so un-popular he will make me ten million dollars before April. If he lasts that long. Let's hope so. But if he doesn't it will not matter because the next leader will be hated just as badly and we'll be right there banging them out like bullets from the secret police's machine guns. Dah dah dah dah dah dah!'
Effigies Are Us have always been innovators in their field and were the first company to provide matches and paraffin with their products. It was this ability to 'modernise' that is widely believed to have given them the upper hand over their more traditionalist rivals; Old World Effigies and Crimson Jihad Retail.
The company shot to success in 2003 after the invasion of Iraq 2 with its classic three-packs, containing a Bush, a Cheney and a Rumsfeld or 'Rummy' all for $22.50. Some of the latest most popular models contained fireworks placed inside the heads of the figures.
The confident Mr Mohamed chuckled,' the way things are going right now we cannot loose. Obama is a worldwide hit, for us anyway, and of course we have produced 20 000 000 Mahmoud Ahmadinejads ready for the up-and-coming war between the US and Iran. We have also modified 2500 un-sold Bush and Blair units into sex dolls for the international S&M market. Ha ha. It is at the moment, how do you say my friend, a win win situation.'
EAU announced exciting plans to open an up-market version of the store on London's busy Regent Street. The new shop will be opened by the Jedwood twins on 23rd June 2012. Jedwoods are available from EAU combustible likeness conglomerate plc for 14.65p. A spokesman from the company pointed out this represented 'excellent value for money'.