|Feel Good Ad banned for threatening suicide sector|
The DTI have banned the popular feel good First Choice holiday advert claiming it may have been responsible for a fall in the number of people taking their own lives and as a result people working in the suicide sector; funeral parlours, taxidermists, solicitors and off-licences may have had their jobs put at risk. Fears of unseasonal happiness were first reported by the Agency for National Mood Appropriation in Jan 2012 after the Department of Statistics released suicide figures for the first six-weeks of the year claiming a decrease of 2500. An investigation was duly set up and in a survey the feel good advert appeared in 17% of answers given to the question; 'Why didn't you kill yourself this morning?'
Today the DTI forced executives from First Choice to take the advert off the air claiming, 'For all we know it might already be too late. But the chances of somebody not topping themselves because they saw this commercial were becoming worse every second. The situation was getting desperate. Pool-bearers and florists from Grimsby to Poole may be have slightly effected at any moment. People working in these industries are living from a day to day basis not knowing where the next job is coming from. One life here and there can make all the difference.'
Sir Harold Preswaithe Bowlyn Bowels, Head of Happiness Censorship at the ANMA, said, 'Historically Britain's have always been miserable in winter and scurried around in their black coats being nasty to each other. We see no need for this long established tradition to change and any attempt to do so will be appropriately delt with. Figures from the government agencies that pay my wages show it would be better for everyone to keep their happiness wrapped up inside them like a little ball and only release it at the prescribe moment during a Royal celebration or at the London marathon.'