The Stuffing 'Em Post: New Vespa is a 'Riot'

Deadly Sales

Vespa 'Riot' has tricks up its sleeve.

Amid high levels of interest from motoring analysts Vespa have released their new top of the range 250cc scooter aptly named the 'Riot'.

Sales of the £2300 model are expected to be high as designers have installed several gadgets intended to make the vehicle fully 'riot proof' and therefore attractive to the modern innercity user. The features were developed after footage from last year's country wide disturbances showed a moped rider being hunted down by thugs and knocked off his machine in the street. Using James Bond for their inspiration the team at Vespa have come up with several innovations to prevent a similar situation occurring in the future.

Boris Delacoix, head design principle for the famous Italian moped manufacturer, said:
"This baby might not look much but she is loaded with the latest kit. In each of the pannier cases there is £20 worth of JML casual sportsware; hoodies, tracksuit bottoms etc. When a button is pushed on the handlebars the clothes shoot out behind you throwing off any pursuing rioter who will not be able to resist the goodies. Another trick up the scooter's sleeve is the engine - it is made in Italy so therefore constantly squirts oil onto the floor making anyone chasing you loose their grip. Of course, there is the classic ejector seat, famous on other earlier models, and also the frame can be electrified by an on board tazer putting out 250,000 volts into anyone who touches it. Though, this does mean the rider and any passengers will have to permanently ware heavily insulated suits and helmets that look so ridiculous they are bound to be considered trendy and therefore come as optional extra with the scooter for an extra £1400 each."

The moped has been extensively tested to prove its 'riot worthiness' in social hot spots across the world such as; Mogadishu, Kabul, Tripoli, Tooting Beck and Glasgow coach station. Four members of the public were electrocuted in the tests and several others are currently thought to be wearing grey or black JML sportsware somewhere near Govan.