Health and safety experts predict that a recent government advertisement starring Vinnie Jones calling for the removal of mouth to mouth during CPR will save hundreds of lives a year by removing the threat of homosexual allegations made against potential life-savers.
An executive in charge of rebranding CPR as 'more manly' claimed today, 'CPR has always historically been perceived as a bit 'queer' and those who used their mouths for the procedure have sometimes had their sexual orientation questioned for years afterwards.' The representative added, 'Hundreds of heart attack suffers were dying because of public reluctance to administer mouth to mouth for fear of such allegations. Something had to be done so we just binned it.'
Mr Jones was chosen for the part in the commercial, in which he is cast as a psychotic Bee Gees Fan, because of his hard man reputation earned as a football player when he was famous for grabbing his opponents testicles.Highly paid spokesmen for Mr Jones, The Bee Gees and the Government agreed that the advert had 'gone well.