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| Reasoned MPs pull UK back from brink of peace |
Crazy Jemery Corbyn and his gang of red communists almost succeeded in taking the UK to the brink of peace last night; a peace that would have left the country teetering on the edge of financial and diplomatic catastrophe. Fortunately, for manufacturers of the Tornado G-40 strike aircraft, its Brimstone missiles and Paveway bombs, our more reasoned MPs stepped in at the last moment and defeated Corbyn's lunatics by overwhelmingly voting for airstrikes against Syria. Minutes afterwards the entire country, though more precisely those associated withe the arms industry, breathed a huge sign of relief as our war planes, once again, swept off from some distant runway to go and kill more defenseless men women and children in a far off land.
Of course this is not the first time Corbyn's anti-establishment behaviour has come to the attention of government big wigs, the war mongering media and representatives of the country's all-important arms industry. Gerald Howarth, friend of BAE and MP for 'war town' Aldershot observed, "Phew. That was close. Too close. If that trouble making little shit tries to change the time-honoured principles of our proud country again and drag us into peace he might find a sidewinder missile up his arse - which by the way I could sell to the RAF at a knock down price if they were interested in using it for such a mission."
Mr Howarth's words resonated with police teams operating outside the House of Westminster who are thought to have considered using a similar technique on the crowds of demonstrators protesting against the UK's inevitable road to war. Mr Howarth was also quick to share his thoughts on this subject, "When oh when will these irrational nut cases understand just how much money I make out of selling armaments? For fuck's sake it's £18 500 just for a spare tyre on one of BAE's war planes. Oh yes.Thank Christ for war eh? Now my family and I can relax, safe in the knowledge that we can afford all the meaningless pieces of plastic which make the yuletide season so eternally rewarding, and look forward to a nice cosy Christmas tucked up in our grade one listed home in leafy Berkshire while other foreign families have the bodies torn to pieces by one of my high-grade laser-guided incendiary weapons. Seasons greetings to you all. Ha, ha, well, of course, not all."
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