Westminster Village/ Hall

Mp Mills 'Candy Crush is well gay!'
Mp Nigel Mills Requests X Box When Attending 'Boring' Common's Inquiry Sessions Claiming 'Candy Crush Is Well Gay!'

Conservative MP Nigel Mills has requested the common's select committee debating pensions for whom he works supply him with a new X box 5 to play whilst he attends the meetings. Mr Mills, Tory MP for Amber Valley since 2010, yawned, 'All this talking about old people's pensions and stuff is well boring. My brother says you can get an X Box 5 with like Grand Theft Auto, a steering wheel, headphones and all that shit for only £499.99 on Ebay. I'm bored of playing Candy Crush on my I Pad. It's well gay.'

Mr Mills said that he 'would try' not to play the game again during crucial debates regarding future pension rates effecting millions of English working people. But unfortunately, an hour later, the state official, paid over £160 000 pounds a year to sit in a warm office playing video games, was unable to keep his promise and, failing to reach level fifteen on Candy Crush, rose to his feet during the inquiry shouting, 'Fuck Candy Crush! It's shit! I want my fucking X Box!'

After a short round of negotiations fellow members of the team decided Mr Mills could have his X Box 5 but that he must sit in the corner and try and watch what was happening in the reflection of the TV screen in between his races. It was also stressed that the Right Honorable Member of Parliament must promise that when he was tapped on the shoulder he must stop, pause the game, and vote.

Conservative MP Sir Edward Lee defended his colleague saying, 'My Right Honorable friend Nigel is right, Candy Crush is well gay. But what's more important here is that we catch the little shit who filmed Nigel enjoying himself. The last thing we want is the public finding out that we sit around fucking about all day basically doing exactly what we like as millions of normal people work their backsides off in the cold to pay us. That's what's important.'

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