Sport Crime

Hodgson: The football funnel; it can't fail.
Hodgson Predicts 'Funnel Of Goals' Against World's Worst Team

Roy Hodgson has predicted a 'funnel of goals' for England against San Marino, the world's worst team when they meet later tonight in the first qualifying match for next year's European Championships. Hodgson explained his new cutting edge tactic the 'football funnel' at the pre-match press conference, 'This plan is full proof. Five of our players will stand in a line on either side of the opposition's goal all holding hands making, in effect, a funnel. If our keeper kicks the ball up the pitch enough times eventually it's bound to ricochet of one of our players until hopefully ending up in the back of their net. It can't fail. Well - it better not. It's all I've got.'

The football funnel is Hodgson's last desperate attempt of  to bring some success back to the team after their disastrous World Cup campaign this summer. News of the experimental strategy has raised morale in the changing rooms and spirits are said to be 'sky high' with Daniel Sturridge and Wayne Rooney predicting a 'cupboard' and a 'trough' full of goals, respectively.

However William Hill are not so confident and have England at 4:1 to win by one goal with Rooney scoring a penalty (his third attempt and in the last minute) after his star status, and the promise of a signed football worth £15,000 on EBay, finally compels the referee to let us win.

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