US Military Admit 'Blind Panic' Over 21st Tank Amassing ISIS War Machine.
|21st ISIS tank renders entire US military useless|
Us military chief of staffs have admitted to 'blind panic' over intelligence reports suggesting the addition of the 21st tank to the sprawling ISIS war machine. Now it is feared the mighty forces of Islamic fundamentalism are ready to smash apart the entire multi-trillion dollar world wide US defense apparatus and mount a decisive land invasion of the western hemisphere.
Colonel Dalton Chudd, defense secretary special adviser to the president gripped his desk and yelled, 'This is the most a serious treat to security since Osama Bin Laden and his Al Qaeda insurgent death squad, sleeper cell, terrorist anthrax hijacker teams nearly overthrew our country back in 2001! Although they never actually got a shot off in the last thirteen years and were unable or simply unwilling to go to any of the hundreds of thousands of US gun shops and buy one gun and fire off a single bullet in all that time doesn't mean that now ISIS have twenty one tanks they cannot immediately defeat our entire defense system and be driving down Pennsylvania Avenue by tomorrow morning.'
When asked why one fully armed US jetfighter could not take out, at least, 21 tanks from so far away as to not even be seen by the targets as we have seen on so many other occasions the Colonel replied, 'This situation is totally different. ISIS also have some four wheel drives, packed lunches, thermos flasks and full internet connectivity. It is feared some of the leadership even have broadband. Over the coming weeks they may even gain the capability to read this article and therefore I cannot give away anymore information about operation; 'Blind Panic slash Pretext for War' as it would be a security risk. Other than this new addition to ISIS military hardware means war is inevitable.'
Reports from the ISIS front line suggest Ali Kali who drove the 1974 Russian T61 three hundred miles from Damascus is currently searching E Bay for a new alternator and fan belt fearing that if one cannot be bought it will be impossible to drive the ailing, ammunitionless, 40 year old tank any further. When asked Kali said he had never heard of the defense secretary special adviser to the president and claimed he had only come here to win a bet with his uncle.