Hollyoaks; putting 50% of children who watch it off sex
Channel 4's Hollyoaks Responsible For Halving UK Child Pregnancy Rates

Interesting statistics have come to light from a recent survey examining the sexual opinions of a group of 14-16 year-olds who were exposed to Channel 4's youth show 'Hollyoaks' (weekdays 6.30 pm). It appears that the depictions of sexual experience portrayed on the soap opera are so humiliating and awkward up to 50% of the children who watch it are immediately put off sex forever.

Ian Scandal, manager of the adolescent sexual control group; Dementia Reinforced by Oppressive Opera's-Soap [DROOPS], said, 'This represents a major breakthrough. It seems Hollyoaks is more effective than the combined threat of gonorrhea, VD and syphilis. Kids aren't scared of serious diseases anymore but twenty minutes watching those idiots on Hollyoaks fart about with each other is better than chopping the balls off the randy little buggers.' 

Plans to name the future dip in population caused by the program 'The Hollyoaks Hole' were welcomed by statisticians who find it easier to remember peaks and troughs in birth-rates when they have catchy titles such as 'The Baby Boom'.

Speaking from his helicopter Hollyoaks creator Phil Redman defended his program shouting, 'Peter Pervis, John Noaks, Valerie Singleton and Roy Castle were first used by TV bosses to stop young people from wanting to have sex in the 60's and 70's but they would be useless at preventing today's perverted youth from copulating! Hollyoaks is still the best weapon we have to make sure kids keep their pants on!"

  1. Hollyoaks - YouTube

    31 Jan 2014 - Uploaded by Hollyoaks
    Top 10 Most Awkward Dating Moments in Hollyoaks History deemed to be more awkward than Danny almost having sexwith his own son.