Evil media-fiend Murdoch slipped back into his lair at Wapping yesterday to turn the lights on and off in an attempt to conceal the fact that his entire 13,000 strong workforce has been arrested by police. Charges against his villainous news-hoard include; phone-hacking. libel, stalking, invasion of privacy, threatening behaviour, fraud, bribing officials and the police, perjury, normal lies, publishing lies, extreme lies, spreading moronic sexist, xenophobic, defenceless right-wing propaganda, incensing media-riot, subversion, war, destabilising governments, worshipping Satan, money, graven images, working for the evil empire, the darkside of the force and all those who control fear, desolation, famine and pestilence throughout the world plus two counts of shoplifting.
In a further effort to cover staff shortages the News International head demon claimed to be releasing a Sunday edition of his doomed newspaper TheSun before forcing his accident prone son, and evil office-junior James Murdoch 2 to constantly go in and out of the entrance in a series of different coats making it appear it was 'business as usual' at the London headquarters. It is believed the cruel offspring then 'banged out' a couple of images on photoshop creating the 'illusion' of a normal office environment and sent them to the press. But industry specialists quickly noticed members of staff in the photos were 'laughing' in front of their vicious media overlord proving, without a shadow of doubt, that the pictures were fake.
Defending ethical standards amongst his news hoard Murdoch cackled, 'I only employed the best in the business. None of my staff would ever take part in anything that was in an way illegal or immoral. That is - for anything less than £50,000 a week plus expenses. Heh heh.'