Lord Sewel: 'Ever growing financial burdens.'
A policy unit established to set new falling standards in government has released a white paper suggesting that, along with protecting all-important MP's salaries, the wage rise might have a 'kick start' effect on the local economy. Mark Staples, overseeing the Committee on Falling Standards ('C.O.F.S'), sniffed suspiciously and blabbered with white bits at the edge of his mouth, 'Facts are facts! Pure and simple! London's cocaine trade is worth billions every year. With the House of Westminster along with other government offices here in the capital responsible for at least a third of this demand it would simply be financial suicide to freeze MP's wages. When the economy is such a mess it is the duty of all Westminster staff to support any growth market.'
Mr Staples' Committee has made other radical recommendations even calling for a trial period in which coke dealers would work the corridors of Westminster. His report stated that MP's were missing important debates because they had to constantly leave the building to procure large quantities of the moreish, and nearly socially acceptable, drug. When asked to clarify his comments he repeatedly fidgeted with his ear and compulsively chattered, 'Most of MP's £300 daily allowance is being being spent on taxis and private transportation back and forth to Brixton and other locations. With our own crack team of 'House' suppliers, so to speak, Westminster staff can throw every bit of their undivided, and extremely expensive, attention into their work. Which, after all, is what they're paid for. Ha, ha, ha. Also, this massive surge in financial activity would be pumped directly back into the local economy. As far as I can see its a win win situation for everyone.'
www.youtube.com/watch?v=58f9Z9IOAXo3 days ago - Lord Sewel resigns and faces police inquiry after 'snorting cocaine with prostitutes' Police called in by House of Lords as Deputy Speaker steps ...