|Abu Qatada can hear ticking in head|
Baroness Marsha Digsby Beckingsdaleworth, head of the committee to develop security concerns in previously benign zones, said, 'We don't want to the public to think we have wasted £10 000 worth of tax payers money per day on this individual for nothing. When we got him he was totally nonthreatening man in pajamas that your grandma could have beaten up but now he's a lean, mean killing machine with a special bullet proof beard and capable of scaring the shit out of half the people in the country at once.'
Today, after the release, 20 000 English old women and children noticed increased levels of anxiety while they were needlessly searched at the country's airports. National security forces reported they were 'powerless' to stop 51 year-old Mr Qatada who was forced to go shopping and then make a cup of tea by remote control from a secret MOD bunker somewhere near Luton.