The Stuffing 'Em Post: World Bollotics

World Bollotics

Jerusalem: like stealing candy from a Palestinian baby

Bibi Commands World Accept Biblical Reality

This week a God-like Benjamin Netanyahu commanded the world accept, as reality, his latest decree to move Israel's capital from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. Speaking from on top a cloud floating somewhere over the Middle East the Israeli Prime minister who, back on Earth currently faces multiple corruption investigations and mass protests from thousands of disillusioned Israelis sick and tired of his, and his party [Likud]'s, perpetual controversies, cited the bible, his favourite book, as historical proof of the Holy City's ancient ownership.

After his statement a raft of fellow loonies sprang from the cracks in the proverbial Waling Wall all keen to exploit the growing international trend of discarding reality in favour of arse about tit legends and gobbledebollocks myths. First in the running, and announced a mere twenty minutes after the Israeli leader's statement, new plans for a museum in Jerusalem dedicated to Noah, also starring in the Bible, which will display actual parts of the Ark first used to save mankind from a similarly wrathful God. Arti-'facts' will include the ancient, but startlingly Black and Deckerish looking tools, used for the Ark's construction surprisingly unearthed in the cellar of a newsagents in Haifa. Also, astonishingly, the very canoe we are told Noah used to go to Australia, amongst several 'other' far-flung places, with his sons to collect two baboons, two kangaroos and two Koala bears and bring them back to safety. Apparently.

Second in the running, but by no irrational means least, Israeli package holiday operators have announced new plans for a revolutionary 'drive-thru' tour of the Red Sea reenacting Moses' Biblical exodus from Egypt. Tour guides will be equipped with extra-powerful megaphones and demand the sea part, as in olden times, to let convoys of Transit vans through all packed to the brim with excited tourists and fellow religionists who can now enjoy a truly 'once in a life time', though not wholly dry, nevertheless 'Holy', experience.

Speaking amongst his fellow angels in an off guard moment Netanyahu proclaimed, under his breath and after furtively darting his beady eyes about, 'For a bunch of supposed atheists, the West's understanding of the 20th century is already polluted with more ludicrous myth and absurd legend than the Old Testament and the New Testament put together, so this should be as easy as stealing candy from a Palestinian baby. Let's face it, if they are prepared to believe that the God we invented ourselves just so happened to give us the land we have always coveted as our promised land from where we would rule unchallenged over the entire world, then they'll believe anything. Ha ha. Remember when we told them our high priests knocked over buildings using magic? Ha ha. That's right - of course I mean Jericho - of course, of course. of course. That time we told them it was trumpets. Ha ha. Trumpets! Some things never change and, luckily for us, one of those things is their credulous stupidity.'