 |
| MI5: Right up everyone's arse in UK |
MI5 have announced breath-taking new plans to force legislation through parliament making it obligatory for all UK toilets to posses hidden CCTV equipment. The plans, known to be backed by David Cameron's government, are thought to be a response to the growing threat of terrorism from everywhere, a threat which is now thought by terror officials most likely to originate from the home.
A spokesman representing MI5 laughed, "After our successful work homegrown terrorism is now the UK's biggest security threat. A threat that could come from the places you least expect. That's why hidden toilet cams, or WCTVCCTV as we call it in the counter intelligence community, are so important. This unobtrusive machinery, digi-box and 3G booster, plus four annoying visits every month from one of our rude employees trying to make it work properly, is for your own safety and peace of mind and essentially for many reasons. One: These mass data dump collections are an integral part of modern information gathering. Two: The toilet rim of your bathroom and your arsehole are the only place that we don't currently have a microphone or computer recording what you're saying. Three: We're literally and clinically a bunch of perverted psychopaths who receive morally delinquent pleasure looking at people's private shit.'
In the news
MI5 and GCHQ secretly bulk collecting British public's phone and email records for years, Theresa May reveals
Telegraph.co.uk - 6 hours ago
Former MI5 spy lifts the lid on working for the intelligence ...
www.mirror.co.uk › News › Real Life Stories › MI5
11 Oct 2015 - Annie Machon worked for MI5 for five years before spending two years on the run