|DWP: Kids have to make their own beeping noise|
George Osbourne has announced new sweeping austerity cuts for children's games. The dramatic cutbacks will mean the end of traditional favourites such as; Cowboys and Indians, Doctors and Nurses, Fire and Policemen (and women) which will now be replaced by new supermarket checkout assistant role play modes of recreational activity.
The Chancellor sniggered, "These cutbacks will save us millions whilst, at the same time, preparing today's modern child with a set of more achievable aspirations within the modern post credit-crunch society. It is no longer necessary for the children of debt ridden parents to imagine themselves as Cowboys or Indians and, let's face it, the idea of them becoming Doctor's or Nurses, with us running the economy, is even more unrealsitic. Ha, ha. This is why we feel it best all poor children now practice a career what they will, no doubt, end up pursuing when they leave school and, with this in mind, we have designed these new supermarket checkout assistants roleplay themes for them."
Following the announcement the DWP said that it will be sending a selection of high viz wastecoats to all UK schools allowing the children to pick their favourite supermarket for whom to work. Playmates will then take it in turns to pretend to be a selection of disabled, old and unemployed people and slowly shuffle past them with objects they have brought from home. DWP officials were quick to point out that, due to strict budget limitations, children would have to supply their own table and also make their own beeping noise.