'Jezza' preparing for his disciplinary hearing |
Clarkson's Popularity Soars After Petrol Head Megastar Kneecapps BBC Disciplinary Board
Jeremy Clarkson (Jezza to his hoards of petrol-head fans around
the world) has received over a million signatures on a petition to get him
reinstated at the BBC after kneecapping the disciplinary board set up to
investigate claims that he punched a producer of the hit show 'Top Gear.'
Speaking from his speeding Maserati Jezza belched, 'No one tells me what to do!
Ever! If they try it on I'll let my twelve bore do the talking! Pow! Pow! Pow!'
Clarkson shot to fame in the talent-less 80's when even a duck
could have got a job reviewing cars on TV. Since then witless licence paying TV
heads have paid him millions to talk reactionary bollocks about cars whilst
sounding like Winston Churchill's illegitimate love child. Media analysts have
claimed there is more than meets the eye to the rouge presenter's latest madcap
kneecapping prank and that this bloodletting incident was in fact merely a crafty
stunt to boost ratings.
Steve Stercore, international PR guru, hissed, 'Everyone's doing
it these days. Madonna threw herself off the stage at the Brits to sell tickets
for her next tour. Harrison Ford crashed his plane into a golf course in L.A. to
get the vibe going for Star Wars fifteen and now, being no slouch in the PR
department himself, Jezza has shot the knees off the entire fat cat
disciplinary board at the Beeb so he can demand a billion pounds to review the
new Ford Focus. What a player. You've got to admit it, for a dinosaur this guy has still got the moves like Jagger.'
If square-eyed TV experts are right then Clarkson shotgun stunt
has been an incredible success. With over a million signatures on the rouge
presenter's reinstatement petition his media profile is at an all time high. Mr
Stercore added, 'Right now Jezza could insist the BBC make him king of England
and no one could stop him. Not even the Queen. In the end all the plebs want
from their megastars is that they are a bunch of accident prone, loudmouthed, spoiled pricks. Let’s face it, Jezza's got the lot.’
Clarkson says he cant punch - YouTube
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Jeremy Clarkson learns how to 'Fake Punch' - YouTube
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVFh0RkIoW01 day ago - Uploaded by Andy DibbleBenedict Cumberbatch teaching Jeremy Clarkson how to 'FakePunch', maybe Oisin Tymon just forgot to ...