Westminster Village /People

Johnson 'Toying' With Balls But Both 'Totally Covered' By Clegg
The exciting Johnson Balls Clegg 'Shoot off.'

The race to become the next UK PM heated up yesterday when Boris Johnson claimed, 'I have Balls in my pocket and I have Clegg in hand.' Westminster villagers believe Jonson was toying with Balls and Clegg when he made the remarks whilst attending a Tory fundraiser on behalf of the banks held at his Mayor's private offices in London. Johnson and Balls are expected to lead their parties when current leaders David Cameron and Ed Milliband leave to pursue lucrative consultancy careers in the arms industry after losing the next election to UKIP.

Nick Clegg made the counter claim that he, 'Had Balls and Johnson totally covered,' earlier today as he was chased through Ipswich town center by a gang of angry shoppers, students, NHS staff, job seekers, motorists, tax payers and average UK citizens keen to give the joint leader of the coalition a good kicking for fucking up the country. Hiding behind the counter in a branch of Gregg's he panted, "Oh yes. I've been covering Balls and Johnson for a long time. Now people will definitely take me seriously.'

Johnson, Balls and Clegg will be coming together for a new type of live three way TV debate nicknamed a 'shoot off.' Dan Snow will hosting the show on BBC 1 and ratings are expected to be 'high' as the heated politicians get excited and shower the studio audience with their rich ideas. 'The Johnson, Balls, Clegg Live 'Shoot Off' Show with Dan Snow' will be broadcast before the watershed (ensuring the widest audience) at 8.00 PM Wednesday 1st October BBC 1.

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