The Stuffing 'Em Post: Sport Crime

Sport Crime

Sebastian MK III 'Ogier' Unit Continues Red Bull's Robot Driver World Domination

Sebastian Mk III 'Ogier' driving robot

Sebastian MK II Vettel unit 'Too lippy.'

Red Bull's Sebastian MK III driving robot 'Ogier' continued his domination of the WRC World Rally Driving Championship last weekend heading an all podium win for VW in Australia. The victory secures the German car manufacturer's second title in as many attempts a record for any new constructor in the sport. With Red Bull's Sebastian MKI 'Loeb' robot already winning a record nine WRC crowns and the MK II Sebastian 'Vettel' unit also scoring three consecutive F1 titles pundits are expecting a lot from the next generation of caffeine fueled Red Bull driving cyborgs.

Sebastian MKI 'Loeb' model. 'Farts smelt of bull's bollocks.'

Red Bull's director of 'Automaton Development,' Andy Currystick, explained, 'The new Sebastian MK IV will make 'Ogier' look like a rheumatoid old granny in a wheelchair with flat tyres. Neeeooowww! He - or it - never sleeps or makes a mistake. It can be run totally on Red Bull sport's drinks and it doesn't even need to go for a shit. Its usually driving too fast anyway but when the thing comes in to get petrol a little canister is taken out of its arse and emptied of waste before being slotted back. Brilliant! It - or he - is unstoppable. He's better than the old MK I 'Loeb' model. For some reason its farts always smelt of bull's bollocks and his CPU was small so we had to cut back on dialouge capabilities so when he talked it sounded like he was half sharp. But he was better than the lippy MK II 'Vettel' unit. What a nightmare that was. Like having one of those cars that talks to you. At first you think its great but 30 seconds later you want to rip the cocky twat out of the dashboard.'

No surname yet. Red Bull's Sebastian MK IV.
Should it be 'Unstoppable'?

No decision has been taken on the Sebastian MK IV's surname but in the running are thought to be; 'Bullatron 2015,' 'Ogier MK II,' Vettel MK III' or just plain 'MK IV.'

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofFWHV8rWH