The Stuffing 'Em Post: Sex Bomb TV Chef Nigella Eats Chocolate and Accidentally Spills Some On Heaving Chest

Media Slurp

Masturbating man's favourite TV Chef

Busty, untrained Nigella Lawson, the masturbating man's favorite TV chef, told reporters that she has been eating a lot of chocolate since her 'trial ordeal.' The famous aristocrat and MP's daughter also added that some of it had 'spilt' down her 'chest' and that 'it was sticky' and that they could 'lick it off' if they 'liked.'

When asked how Charles Saatchi, the seventy year old multimillionaire PR Tzar she happened to marry, had been driven to loosing his temper so badly that he strangled her in a restaurant she replied, 'All I did was ask a young muscular waiter to 'empty his foaming bottle' of 'bubbly' and 'fill me up' with 'it' - the glass that is. For some reason Charles took this the 'wrong way' - if you see what I mean - and threw a 'massive wobbly' - Oh.'

Answering accusations that she was famous for being a prick teaser and that she had helped her assistants to embezzle hundreds of thousands of pounds from her ex-husband to pay for their greedy shopping sprees and her rampant cocaine addiction because she knew she would not get anything out of him after signing a strict prenuptial agreement she sexily pouted, "What me?" and placed a finger on her lip provocatively sticking out her chest.

Coincidentally Ms Lawson's new US TV show starts soon and as stories of her drug addiction and the fact that she is 'back on the market' sweep the media analysts continue to predict high ratings.