Deady Sales

Colonel Sanders: still plenty of buckets
KFC Customers Don't Count Their Chickens

Diabetes sufferers, school children, drug dealers and fat bastards all over the UK gritted their canines this morning in preparation for another day without their favourite 'not fast enough' dead animal dish; KFC fried chicken. KFC recently changed their haulage company to new smart logistics providers DHL who apparently thought the man on the phone said 'Mittens' instead of 'Chickens' and now half of London is threatening to riot over the shortage.

Representatives of the Advertising Standards Society (ASS) waded into the affray ordering all KFC branches that have not been burnt down by angry fried chicken addicts to remove the 'C' in their famous logo if they are no longer selling 'chicken'. It was subsequently pointed out, to the same ASS officials, that the chicken is not actually fried in Kentucky either, which has prompted a further investigation into whether the company should also remove the 'K'. Despite ASS's involvement, leading brand experts promoted the idea that simply rearranging the existing letters and adding a 'U', 'E' and 'D' would be more 'culture savvy'.

An agitated 107 year-old Colonel Sanders attended a press conference at his US ranch stating that he deplored the 'chicken riots' that were, no doubt, about to 'engulf your country' and promised that, whatever happened, he would fight to keep the all-important 'F' in his famous logo. He reassured UK  chicken addicts that, although his popular franchises no longer had their central product i.e. 'chicken', they would continue to sell fried potatoes- hand raised on his own ranch, fried cheese - made from bursting boils on the slaughtered chicken carcasses, fried popcorn - you don't want to know, fried fries - like fried potatoes but each one hand-crafted by a highly-trained KFC employee, salt - in new '40% paper' packets, Coke - The Real Thing TM and plenty of empty buckets.

Ronald McDonald Gang Riot At KFC - YouTube
1 May 2017 - Uploaded by CM020
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