The Stuffing 'Em Post: World Bollitics

World Bollitics

Modern Terrorism: Logistical Nightmare

International Times Fearless Of Terrorist Threat As Assassinating Entire Team Would Be Logistical Nightmare

Staff at the International Times have claimed they are fearless of a terror attack like that which befell renowned French piss takers Charlie Hebdo claiming that due to the team being spread out over the UK mainland killing them all would be an unassailable logistical nightmare.

Claire Palmer, IT Chief Editor, said, "I'd like to see them try. Well obviously not literally but the facts are simple. As our staff are spread out across the country with some reporters in Newcastle and others in Cornwall due to the country's pathetic crumbling infrastructure our top floor boffins have calculated that it would take the most hardened and travel savvy terrorist the best part of three months to wipe us all out. Even if the gunmen were travelling in a top of the range sports car with the nation's roads being constantly dug up, contra-flow systems everywhere, traffic wardens, wheel clamps, speed cameras, arsey traffic police, road closures, flooding, traffic jams and constant gridlock during term times it would be an unassailable logistical nightmare. Obviously, if the gunmen were to use public transport then murder rates would be further undermined. Even with a travel card, magic bus, and journey discounts for foreign students it is thought that they would simply die of old age travelling from one mass murder to the next."

Satirists have noted that the IT's line of thinking is emblematic of the global piss taking/killing paradigm as a whole and that no matter how fast you kill someone for taking the piss out of you there is always going to be someone, somewhere else doing it.